Re: please don't judge me part 2. Discarded: Tenderheart,
[color=red"> We still have sex occasionally, but afterwards he would always leave. I tried to initiate it the last time he was here and he said it is not going to happen. That tore me up. Because I knew as long as we were having sex there was a chance. Now he doesn't even want to have sex with me. That much I don't understand. I don't want to ask him why because I don't want to seem so pathetic not to mention that bruised me ego pretty bad. And I am not conceited or anything but I am a pretty cute chick. He said he will always be attracted to me because I am sexy but he will never love me again. I don't know what to do. I am distraught. [/color">
I believe I can explain this somewhat.
I divorced my X because of her cheating. The pain caused when I found out she was cheating tore through me and hurt more deeply than I can ever explain. I have been in several car accidents and have broke my back in the past. The pain she caused me was far worse. I remember getting physically sick finding out stuff from the emotional pain. This pain causes you to shut down. I also had sex with my X a couple times during the seperation, but it was dead emotionally. The sex was good, but emotionally I was detatched and shut down. I didn't care whether she was satisfied or thought it was the best ever or the worst. It was just an action. I also felt dirty and ashamed of myself for wanting it after she had laid with someone else and destroyed our relationship. Afterward pictures of her with someone else would just run through my head. The sex was the Last Nail in the coffin of our relationship. I also found that I didn't want sex any longer without the emotional attachment and I also knew that I could not have an emotional attachment to her anymore. This was after 10 years of marriage and 3 children. The pain of going through all of this was terrible, I felt like I was carving away my heart seperating myself from her. I know now that there was no other way and I would not go back for anything. I would never look at her the same way, I would never feel the same way about her, I would never trust her again with my feelings or emotions. I can and have forgiven her and I think that is the best you can hope for right now.
I am sorry that you have to go through this and maybe your relationship will turn out different. Many people can go through something like this and come out the other side keeping the relationship intact, I knew I could not.
Discarded
Re: please don't judge me part 2. ColoHill: [quote author=alonewith2 link=topic=16544.msg139484#msg139484 date=1123116592">
kudos to your STBX for moving on. Can I have his phone number so I can ask him how he's been able to be so strong? My STBX and I have had sex occasionally too, but I always feel dirty and ashamed afterward. During it, I'm all into it, and sometimes its the best ever. But afterward, I feel as if he just treated me like all the little sl*ts he cheated on me with. I'm really trying hard to avoid him so that will never happen again. Could your ex give me so advice on how he's been able to do that with you?
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Oh, I can so relate here! Isn't it the most awful feeling when you are done? I hate it. What is worse, is that I had known about the emotional affair two months before I found out the rest. I had thought that he called things off only to find out he still sees her and that he had sex with her and had lied to me about it when this all came to light. The day I found out, he wanted me to have sex with him. He said the thought of telling me he had been with someone else and had thought of me, made him want to be with me. It is just a cheap dirty feeling when you do something together. UGH!
Re: please don't judge me part 2. Failedjedi: Discarded WOW you nailed it on the head......
Your further ahead then I am
Re: please don't judge me part 2. alonewith2: [quote author=MissingU link=topic=16544.msg139743#msg139743 date=1123170056">
[quote author=alonewith2 link=topic=16544.msg139484#msg139484 date=1123116592">
kudos to your STBX for moving on. Can I have his phone number so I can ask him how he's been able to be so strong? My STBX and I have had sex occasionally too, but I always feel dirty and ashamed afterward. During it, I'm all into it, and sometimes its the best ever. But afterward, I feel as if he just treated me like all the little sl*ts he cheated on me with. I'm really trying hard to avoid him so that will never happen again. Could your ex give me so advice on how he's been able to do that with you?
[/quote">
Oh, I can so relate here! Isn't it the most awful feeling when you are done? I hate it. What is worse, is that I had known about the emotional affair two months before I found out the rest. I had thought that he called things off only to find out he still sees her and that he had sex with her and had lied to me about it when this all came to light. The day I found out, he wanted me to have sex with him. He said the thought of telling me he had been with someone else and had thought of me, made him want to be with me. It is just a cheap dirty feeling when you do something together. UGH!
[/quote">
The worst part is that he used the line, "Since I still want to have sex with you that must mean something....." He so freely gave it to others at the drop of a hat, so why should I think him wanting to have it with me still would mean something? Anyone could have sex with him, get in line, take a number..... I'm not standing in that line anymore. I'd rather have a lifetime reservation for a table for two and the diners don't change seats than a buffet-style all you can eat for as many as I can "wait" on at a time. Cheaters need to understand that the last thing to use to get someone back is sex. Duh! That's the whole reason it ended right? Why would having sex with the cheater now make them feel special?
Sorry, all, sore topic for me, guess I better just run along now.......SIGH
