Re: please don't judge me part 2. reck: [quote author=tenderheart link=topic=16544.msg139481#msg139481 date=1123115858">
I tried to initiate it the last time he was here and he said it is not going to happen. That tore me up. Because I knew as long as we were having sex there was a chance. Now he doesn't even want to have sex with me. That much I don't understand. I don't want to ask him why because I don't want to seem so pathetic not to mention that bruised me ego pretty bad. And I am not conceited or anything but I am a pretty cute chick. He said he will always be attracted to me because I am sexy but he will never love me again.
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Your kidding yourself if you think sex can be your life line.
It was the last thing to die in my relationship and a most unpallatable "last nail" it was. My wife thought it would be good to hold on to me for just her physical satisfaction...but it was not enough for me.
In fact it has completely changed my perspective , casual sex without emotion bores me and i suspect your ex might have simalier types of feelings and until you can get some understanding and perspective of what hes been through and feeling...no chance
Re: please don't judge me part 2. picadilly: I wish he could understand that the benefits of working it out are far better than getting a divorce. I deserve a second chance.
I think you are asking for a third chance, if I remember correctly, you said you had a second affair that caused you to lose your job & therefore admit to your husband of the second affair... does this mean you would not have told him it had you not lost your job? Do you not think you already had a second chance to prove you were sorry?
Really, i find it hard to give you advice on what to do except to move on & go ahead with a divorce. This marriage is over. If you can, over time, convince him you & he are ment for each other, then go ahead & get a second marriage. If he is selling the family home, I think it's a safe bet that for now, he has set his heart to move forward. This early in his new relationship, I believe he hasn't had sex with this other woman, I'm sure he feels above it, not wanting to break his marriage vows to you, but it doesn't mean he's still loving you. Atleast, that's what is running in his mind right now... it may all change in a few weeks, he may eventually feel, if it was good enough for you, then surely it's good enough for him.
The only thing I can tell you is let him go... let him make his own mind up, don't grovel or beg, it will just make you look worse in his eyes. Let it go & work on your own issues because obviously you have some.
Re: please don't judge me part 2. maine surfer: We all feel different when happy, but feel miserably same when in pain, regardless of cuircumstances.
Re: please don't judge me part 2. riversandlakes: i understand the rationale when the cheatee shouldn't beg the cheater to stay (i did, and I've seen that i wasn't alone, thanks), but if the cheater were to beg and admit mistakes, why not?
cheatee wasn't the one who checked out in the first place, because presumably some values in the institution and vows - and feelings. the cheater did, hence when the cheater turns around to admit the wrongdoings, imho, $0.02, i would have done a deep search within to find if there's a chance to forgive...
but if the cheater thought that ONE word sorry will cure every piece of the shattered heart mixed with anger for the past many, many months/years, then that is just so shallow! where's the sincerity? i don't know how a remorseful cheater should do to convince the victim it's worth another try, except to continue to drive the point home...
Re: please don't judge me part 2. whatnext: Maine Surfer -- great point...
Tenderheart -- you and my stbx have a lot in common. Explain to me why it would be better for you to to work it out?
I feel for you -- you made a mistake, you've admitted it, but now you have to start dealing with the consequences of your mistake. You now have an oppourtunity to grow, albeit alone, so do it.
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