when is it my turn sparks: why is it that my stbx husband can walk out of the marriage and family, leave all the responsiblity to me to take care of everything including the divorce I did not want and nothing is said. But I want to do something like move to a different state or whatever and I have to think of the kids? I sold the house and bought a new one in the same neighborhood to make things easier for the kids. I have turned down jobs in other states because I didnt want to put the kids through any more turmoil. Now my mother in law ( who is the best mil in the word and has been my biggest supporter through all of this) makes the comment that I have to be careful who I date because of the kids. I have put the kids first, I will be careful but my stbx doesnt care. He didnt do anything to make any of this easy on anybody except himself. He wasnt careful on chosing the person to cheat on me with. He picked some .... "thing" ... that obviously has no values or morals. Why is all the responsiblity of the kids welfare on me? When do I get to be selfish?
Re: when is it my turn whatnext: You don't, because you're not. Why would you want to be selfish? You get to have adoring children at your side for the rest of your life.
Re: when is it my turn jadedangel: [color=navy"> I think ... she is overstating it a bit ... I have a feeling that with the way you have been .. and always will be with your kids... your 'being careful' .. will make you not need to be selfish for yourself...
What you find from someone else ... is going to overtake the being careful.... and you can be selfish .. by that I mean wanting something better than you had ... the welfare of the kids is going to be fine .. because your not going to make the same mistake twice... I get the impression you are not about to just find someone for yourself ... you will find someone that is good for you and them.
Hope that even makes sense ;)[/color">
Re: when is it my turn starzluv: i think i know what you mean by being selfish. i love my kids, and i would do anything for them, but sometimes i just want a break from them even if only for a half hour. i want things that are for me and my benifit, not just theirs. yes i know to be careful so they don't get hurt, but just because i'm mom, doesn't mean i shouldn't have some things to myself, away from the kids. the kids welfare and saftey and their needs will always come first, but i believe everyone deserves a life, even those of us who have kids.
Sparks, i know what kind of mother you are, and having some part of your life that is just for you is not going to hurt them at all. they know you love them and you will always be there for them, there is no reason for you not to go out and do things for yourself.
Re: when is it my turn alonewith2: Sparks, I understand where you are coming from. My STBX doesn't seem to be too concerned with anything but himself, and I'm left having the responsibilities of everything. I have the kids and have that responsibility. I have the house and have that responsibility. He doesn't have to worry about anything because he doesn't have the kids or the house. So it seems to me sometimes that even though I'm not the one that caused the separation (he did), I'm the one stuck with all the responsibilites. I love my children, and I am more than happy to be responsible for them, but why can't he share in that responsibility. Why are they only "my" concern? I have those same thoughts......but I also realize that if I'm overstressed I will not be able to carry my responsibility of the kids. In my stress management for women class that I just went to in the spring, we were told that it is not selfish of us to want some time away, it is "selfness." We have to take care of ourselves in order to be able to take care of those around us.
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