Would you be concerned? casmormom: My girls (ages 4 and 6) have spent this past week with their dad, my now ex husband. Last night, they called to talk to me and my oldest said that they spent the night at grandma's (his mom). My oldest has asthma and his mom has a dog and a cat and she smokes. That's issue number one. Issue number two involves where they slept. My daughter said that they both slept with grandma in her bed. I'm really uncomfortable with this. I don't think that children should be sleeping with parents or grandparents. I have always insisted that my children sleep in their own beds (occassionally the two of them have slept together but not with an adult also). Am I overreacting? This woman has had her other grandsons sleeping with her whenever they visited (up until they were 12 years old!). Is it just me who finds this worrisome?
Re: Would you be concerned? tyrogers: I have no problem with the sleeping with grandparents/parents. Of course, that is your own personal preference. My children, on occassion, may climb into bed with me or I may lie down with them and fall asleep myself! Mine are 8 and 2. Yes, they may occasionally fall asleep together as well if they are up late and playing and exhausted. I have no problem with that. Let them be children while they can! ;D
As far as the asthma and letting them be in a house with a dog and cat and someone that smokes (inside?), then yes. I would definitely be concerned about that and I would voice my concern in a polite manner. My daughter has asthma and her grandmother (his mother) used to smoke inside. She no longer does that.
BBH
Re: Would you be concerned? sassonfool: Cas- I've been dealing with this same issue ever since my son was born! I readily make my son available to my in-laws mostly because I think its the decent thing to do. But my MIL insists on having my son sleep with her when he stays the night (which I rarely let happen because of the sleeping issue) over there. She claims that it's because they have a staircase and she doesn't want him wandering from the guest room and falling. Gimme a break! My son? The one who scales walls in free time? Sure, he might fall down the stairs. A meteor might fall through their roof onto the guest bedroom's bed. My MIL also had all of her kids sleep with her until age 13!! With respect to those who choose differently, I have chosen to keep my son in his own bed and I do not parent a family bed. About a month ago I told my inlaws that it wasn't ok with me that he sleeps in their bed (major source of conflict with the H) and I told her that until she can respect my choices as my son's MOTHER, he would not be able to spend the night. I know it must be different when the kids are with your X, but I would talk to your lawyer about it. My girlfriend had custody issues of her kids because when her H divorced her, she moved into a two bedroom apartment. The judge said that she had to be able to provide a bedroom for each of her kids and that it wasn't ok for her to expect them to sleep together. There has to be a way you can exercise your right to choose what you think is best for your kids. Best of luck!
Re: Would you be concerned? MsLonely: I wouldn't have an issue with them sleeping in the same bed. My kids sleep with my mom when they go over to her house. But I would definetly have an issue with the smoking/pets/asthma. I have asthma and so does my oldest daughter so I know what it is like and how uncomfortable and scary it is. First maybe talk to your xh about it to which he will probabyl respond "she was fine" but don't hesitate to take it to court. That is not something to fool around with and it isn't as simple as saying "oh when she goes over there she will smoke outside and keep the pets outside" because the smoke and animal dander lingers inside the house. Just because she was okay doesn't mean she will continue to be that way.
Re: Would you be concerned? Shanna: SMoking/Pets Asthma thing....yah that is a problem. I have a close person in my life whose house is like that and I limit my children's time at that house, but cannot keep them from there totally. Oh and they don't smoke when my kids are there....or they do it outside. So only the cat thing is a problem.
As for the sleeping thing. My kids sleep in the bed with my parents when they stay the night there. My kids sleep with their other grandma when she is here. My kids have snuggled up on my boyfriend's chest and fallen asleep.
