Re: Addiction aisac: Oh my gosh, do I relate?! I have found over the past months that, even when I know that the focus needs to be on me, I am totally obsessing about my ex.
Case and point, I am going to a therapist because I know that I need help working through this. As my therapist is talking to me sometimes all I can think is if he were here and he could get this therapy I know we could work it out.
I've learned to laugh at myself. I'm just amazed at how in the simplist conversations I still find myself refering to him and how everything still in my brain is wired to relate the topic back to something about him. AHHHHH!
The heart racing and the sick to the stomach reaction will get better with time. Is there anyway to end all contact with him? This would help so much. The only othe advice I can offer is definitely get counseling. Learning to get in touch with what you want and what you are feeling is so important. Just a question - do you have a caretaking personality? I definitly do and I've discoverd post divorce that I have spent my life, even my childhood taking care and focusing on others and not really knowing what is going on with me. (I grew up taking care of alcoholic parents)
sorry to ramble on - hang in there it will get better. Take care of you!
Re: Addiction hurtingverymuch: I can relate as well. Funny, I never really thought of it as an "addiction" but I guess that's really what it is. I miss my s2bx terribly and also wander why he isn't willing to put his pride (for lack of a better word) aside and try counselling to work this out.
aisac, I hear you as well about having a caretaking personality. I'll be doing the paperwork to get things separated, insurance, health care issues, taken care of for myself and wonder if he has set up something for himself individually. I sometimes wonder if I should remind him to get all this stuff set up or if this isn't my place any more to do it.
Too bad there's no "patch" or "pill" to help deter these feelings and the neediness. :-/
Take care!
Hurt
Re: Addiction achingallover: Thanks, Aisac. Yep - I do have a care taking personality. As a matter of fact, I'm a raging co-dependant! But I'm working on it....
I am doing better today. I actually have a wonderful therapist and we did some reparenting work on Monday. It was REALLY intense. The most intense counseling session I've ever had. The good news is, I don't feel so alone now. The bad news is, I can't get distance from him. He has been out of the house for the last 3 days but is planning on coming back Monday. We start mediation Tuesday and we will be here, in the house together, trying to no have drama until the fiscal legalities are in place and I can move out.
Man, I will miss my house. This is the only house we've ever owned and I have been in it just a year this month.
Oh, well, guess there's nothing I can do about that. I gotta move on, no matter what the cost. He wants out and I can't change that - and quite frankly, after the way he has treated me the past week and 1/2, I wouldn't even know how to take him back if that's what he wanted!
Such a mess, this.
Hopefully mediation will go quicly and I can be outta here for Sept 1.
Hugs to all, and to all a good night! :)
Steph
Re: Addiction down2basics: Achy,
I too can identify with everyone who's replied to your question. I've been down that road. I was sooooo dependent on my spouse that I never gave a second thought to me! :-[ WTF? Just like Hurt and aisac said...you have to learn to detach and focus on yourself. You are worthy and you can do this.
Antidepressants help, as does counseling...but you are your own best friend and worst enemy. You must make peace with yourself in order to detach from the co-dependency that plagues you every day.
It took me a loooong time to get a grip...but...now that I have...I doubt seriously I'll ever lose it again! ;)
Hugs! Hold your head up - You are doing GREAT!
God Bless you!
d2b
Re: Addiction Bob-Bob: Hey,
I too have this addiction, right now I am avoiding anything to do with her ( or at least trying ) because it keeps me hanging on to the desire of being with her. I did not consider myself first in anything for the last four years of my life, she always came first, and now it is hard to retrain myself to think of me. It is a constant battle, and I am treating it like an addiction, I have tried to change my routine to change my thought pattern, I have tried to seperate myself from her family, and even tried making new friends, all to avoid the constant reminder of her. She does not realize the size of the hole she has left in my life.... It will be filled. I will push forward and I will be whole again without her.
I don't know when.... but it will happen.
Bob
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