Triggers sylvia3113: No, not the trigger on the gun you'd like to use on ________ fill in the blank. I'm talking about the emotional triggers that get to you totally out of the blue.
I've been doing ok for the last couple days, looking forward to my San Francisco trip, working and being civil to my husband as contact has increased (due to house, paperwork issues).
and then POW, right in the kisser. Out of nowhere, the strangest things pop up and knock me down.
#1. I rented some videos at the video store and was told I had a late fee for the movie Kinsey. I have never rented the movie Kinsey and explained to the lady that it must have been my husband and we were separated, etc. and she gave me the look. Now, my husband would never rent the movie Kinsey which means his new gf wanted to see it. Now I can picture the whole scenario. They are shopping together at OUR video store, she picks out a movie and they take it to the counter and rent it on OUR account. He had to give them OUR phone number. I told him about the late fees and he said he explained to them that he didn't live here anymore and gave them his new phone number and address. Now I have to picture the new gf standing beside him during this conversation. Is she proud of herself? Does she feel power and satisfaction that he is getting off of my account and announcing to the world that he is separated and obviously with her?
I dealt with that for awhile and moved on. and then
#2. While watching "The Upside of Anger" in which the entire movie is about a woman who's husband left her for his secretary and how she deals with it. Not once (ok, maybe once) did I relate that to my situation. I didn't rent it on purpose to drown my sorrows in and it didn't bring me down......until.......near the end she and her bf are in bed and she backs up into him to spoon. He wakes up and totally envelopes her and holds her and puts his head in the crook of her neck beside hers.
Well, i totally lost it. I didn't realize how lonely I was for that. I'm not a toucher, don't hug my family, don't hug my friends, don't pat people on the back, don't want my shoulders rubbed by coworkers, etc. But I soooo miss being loved and touched by my husband. I so miss laying in bed next to him and spooning. I so miss him coming up behing me and putting his arms around me. I miss him patting my butt as he climbs the steps behind me. I miss being able to wrap my arms around him and just rest my head on his shoulder. Holding hands in the car. *sigh*
I am a toucher as far as he is concerned and I can't believe how long it has been since I have been touched. I didn't realize that I was missing the human touch so much. Watching that scene just brought it all back to me how truly alone I am.
I am going to try to sleep this off and start fresh tomorrow. Thanks for listening.
Re: Triggers jadedangel: [quote author=sylvia3113 link=topic=17058.msg145551#msg145551 date=1123908345">
Well, i totally lost it. I didn't realize how lonely I was for that. I'm not a toucher, don't hug my family, don't hug my friends, don't pat people on the back, don't want my shoulders rubbed by coworkers, etc. But I soooo miss being loved and touched by my husband. I so miss laying in bed next to him and spooning. I so miss him coming up behing me and putting his arms around me. I miss him patting my butt as he climbs the steps behind me. I miss being able to wrap my arms around him and just rest my head on his shoulder. Holding hands in the car. *sigh*
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[color=navy"> The only thing I can say .... is I can completely relate to this.... [/color">
Re: Triggers Mart: I can only add... I can also totally relate to what your saying.
