Wow! Mart: Hi,
I was reading all the posts, and tried to find one that I could add what I am feeling right now, but I could not. So here goes...
I am totally confused, hurt, still in love, afraid....
Short version of my situation.... A month ago, my fiance cancelled our wedding (without any discussions), 1 week before the big date. I was in total shock as everything seemed perfect between us and no reasons were given to me. I was living in a fairy tale.
This is what's going on now... I am living in our home and he lives with his parents. We are splitting the costs of the home. He agrees that I should be able to keep the house (not yet sure if I can because of finances) as it is my dream house (not his). He actually wanted to buy this house because how I felt when we saw it the first time. This is the only thing that I have left (other than my job), from my previous life. Some will say it must be hard living with the memories, but it actually helps me keep some stability in my life.
We have been staying good friends, maybe even more than good friends. This is where I am confused. He comes over for a few hours to see me every second day. He calls once in a while and sometimes at work. He gives me really long and hard hugs every few minutes. Before, he would kiss me on the neck and on the cheek. Now its on the lips. He comes home after work, he says hi, kisses me on the lips and hugs me for a few minutes. He says that he misses me alot, that he calls everyone by my name and that he can't stop thinking about me/us. He came last night. We went out for dinner at one of our usual restaurants. We then talked and just cuddled in front of the TV (it happened a few times since the breakup). We even slept together last week. It was great! Just like before (even better than before)! It makes me feel better every time I am with him, but it hurts every time that I am not with him, and when he leaves to sleep at his parents' house.
At first, I thought maybe its because he feels guilty and wants to help me get through these hard times....
I know in my heart that he will not come back to me, but I can't stop myself wishing that he will. Does it make sense that I am unable to move on without him at this time?
I still love him so much! :'( ??? :-\
Mart
Re: Wow! Older Guy: Makes a lot of sense. Keep giving him his space. He is showing signs of confusion.
Keep your guards up and be careful to a certain extent.....so that you don't get disapointed...just in case...
My wife the same to me for about a month and a half...it didn't chnage anything. In the end she still left.
Flip, Flop, i'm in, i'm out...over and over again.
Having said that, doesn't mean that your situiation will have the same outcome as ours. Be there for him, but just don't get too excited yet.
Mart - i really hope it works for the best for you. Good luck.
Bob
Re: Wow! Mart: Thank you older guy. I am glad you responded to my post.
I am trying to keep my guards up and not getting excited. I know that he won't come back. I will however continue to be there for him as long as he continues to be there for me. Hopefully, he will not drop another bomb for a while and let me grieve gradually.
Mart
Re: Wow! mine: mart.....
been through this my self ...
and still going through this
basicaally it is a fear of the dream becoming reality
all the time it can not happen , he is living the perfect dream.......
he cancelled the wedding ...because if he wakes up from his dream .....
and reality ,,,becomes a nightmare.......
then his dream is ruined for good
keep goung the way you are....take it slow and enjoy....
just forget the maridge thing for now....
dont even mention it
no presures and it can work ... i promise you....
ant...x
Re: Wow! confused_hubby: I'm sorry to read about your situation. In time your troubles will go away. I've only been using this wonderful support network for a short period of time but it does help.
Don't worry about being confused about moving on. It's just the natural way for you body/mind/heart saying to you, "You're not ready for complete closure. You still have some loose ends to tie up and some answers to discover." I think he's going through the same confusion for the same reasons. He's probably feeling the guilt, the remorse, the love, and ponders from time to time if what he's done was right. I don't doubt that he still feels strongly for you. If your marriage was meant to be then things will work out for you if that's what you both want. If not then you'll both find closure in time.
Good luck to you, and best wishes. Don't forget... tomorrow's another day.
The community is here for you, whenever you need it.
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