I just need to feel like someone is listening. AloneandCold: Today was not so bad a day, I just have so many things on my mind and no-one to talk to. I am not even sure where to start.
I guess I can start with school. I got a D this last semester. It was partially my fault and partially nothing I could have done anything about. It was an online class and they were having a lot of technical difficulties that interfered with me getting my homework done. I emailed the prof a couple times but he replied too late for it to matter. Then I check my school email, which I don't use, today and he put how everyone could do the homework on there. The rest of the emails he sent everyone went to my other email so I don't get why that one went there. Well ok you may be thinking no big deal I can make up the class. The thing is the only way I afford school in the first place is I get voc rehab from the army. One of the conditions of my voc rehab is I cannot get anything less then a C in any one class. I have to go talk to my councilor on monday but I am afraid they are going to pull my school funding and there goes my life dreams.
On to money. Ok so I room with my ex and he is suppose to pay half the utilities and his part of rent (which even though I make almost half of what he does is 100 less then my part of rent). We moved in, in June and while he has paid his half of rent every month I have yet to see any utility money. I make exactly enough to pay my half of everything so I have been playing pay this one month and this the next and trying to juggle all the bills so that nothing gets turned off. I get school money to help cover living expenses and I had my vacation money budgeted out and enough to catch up all my bills. So on the day we are supposed to leave I go to the bank to get the money out and he says "make sure to save enough to make my car payment". ???? Huh?? why didn't you make your car payment (which by the way is 350, about what I had saved for bills) Oh well he didn't make his car payment because he spent all his money on the car insurance because apparently he has not paid it for four months and they were threatening to shut it off. And since he has not paid his car insurance or any of the utility bills in three months just what is he spending his money on? Well bank fees to begin with. He keeps over charging on his bank card and racks up a couple hundred in fees by the time he is paid. SO I paid his car payment and decided to go on vacation anyway because I really had my heart set on it for months, I had promised my kids, I have never gotten to take them on vacation before. well that leaves me without my bills paid up and its my fault for spending it on the vacation.
How about home life? Well I live with my ex and that in itself has so many inherent problems that it isn't funny. This month I have my 17 year old brother staying with me for a few weeks and my ex won't stop being a jerk to him. My brother then picks back and they just pick back and forth at each other. so in the car my brother says something while we are driving today and my ex gets pissed and starts saying he is "tired of being the FUCKING bad guy, everyone is always trying to make him look like a fucking ass". My kids were sitting right in the back off the car. You know if he wasn't always being such an ass perhaps he wouldn't look like such an ass all the time. (not that I said this) I cannot believe he went off like that with them sitting there.
Re: I just need to feel like someone is listening. AloneandCold: I am also starting to realize that I may have way too many emotional needs to date. I refuse to be the neurotic girlfriend. I need to have someone ask how my day went, to ask me to tell them all about my day. I can't just ask someone to do that. First of all asking negates the whole purpose because then it is not about them caring about my day its about humoring me. Second it isn't fair to put that on someone.
I love my children and they are awesome kids but ever since I picked my 7 year old up from my parents house she has been giving a lot of attitude, even told me no today when I told her to do something. This of course could be a reaction to the tension between me and her dad and her dad and my brother.
And my house? Well when we moved in the landlady said there would be grass by the end of summer. The only reason I have my budget stretched to the max in the first place is so my kids would have a yard to play in. I brought it up to her on the first and then dropped it. The letter seems to imply I am making it up that she said she would put grass in.
Car? Well I jumped through hoops so the ex didn't pay child support and in return he was suppose to make my car payments until I graduate. Well my car was breaking down and we were going to pay off the rest and get me another used car. Instead his car broke completely and he went to the car lot to get a used car and came back with a practically new one that has a higher payment then his and mine together. He paid the rest of mine off with it but now my car is about to break for good and I don't have a way to get a new one for two more years at least.
There may be more issues that are just pushed to the back of my mind right now but I guess that is it for now. Well I feel a little better just getting it off my chest. Thanks for listening.
Re: I just need to feel like someone is listening. amola: oh bug.......
{{{{{{{{{{HUGE HUGS}}}}}}}}}}
i am so right there with you.........although our situations aren't identical, i can understand exactly where you're coming from, hon. and it sucks. it doesn't even take a *bad* day to bring everything out.......just having a day and feeling like there's no one there to share it with......or maybe, no one there that you WANT to share it with.....
hang in there........we'll get through this one way or another, right?
:)
amola
Re: I just need to feel like someone is listening. sheydp: I totally get where you are coming from about the wanting someone to ASK... although now I have a great bunch of friends, and they usually do... and about how you don't want to lay it all on someone all the time.. although I do that myself...
The big thing I identify with, though... is how things seem to pile on... One of them at a time - dealable. It is getting hit with one thing after another when you are already down. Oh - and the attitude thing from kids - get that totally too! 8 year old going on teens - 6 year old with a whine, 3 year old with gonna-run-the-world itis, because she is the baby and cute.
You know... when it gets sorted out a bit - as you deal with each problem - your neediness will go away. Each problem alone is enough to work on - and you CAN handle each of them just fine - as I am sure you know. The grouping is what makes it tough - but that will fade as each individual one does. As each individual one fades, you will feel stronger, better able to deal with the next one (though tired). Don't be afraid to lean a bit when it gets overwhelming... At the very least, here. I know I did when at my worst, and the responses really helped me turn it around.
(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))
Shey
Re: I just need to feel like someone is listening. picadilly: Hey you. all I can say is
((((HUGE HUGS))))
I know things are rough, I hope they can only get better. :) be positive & you know where I am if you need to talk or vent.
be well & take care of those little ones.
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