Did I Bruise his Ego? Macaw_Lover: Ok, I have never tried anything like this, but figured maybe it would help to get some male/female perspectives. I appreciated all of your replys and I will try and keep this as short as possible, but it is a long history so thank you for reading this!
I am 25 and I have known this guy for 18 yrs and when we were in HS he asked me out several times, did and said sweet things to me. I turned him down in fear that I would lose my best friend. A few months ago he got out of a 4 yr realationship with a female that cheated and stole from him, but I was very happy in thinking now is my chance, were older and I know now that I would never lose him as my friend. However I wanted to give him space and time. He to has had feelings for me all these years, that is coming from people that isn't just "intuition". He has shown many signs of interest, but he is very shy and not a very forward person, I suppose that is partly my fault for turning down his advances in the past. Anyways he slept at my house a month ago for a week while my mom was out of town and he was very respectful and we were both so shy. I am not a shy person normally but am around one I really like a lot. A week after his first night there I finally got the nerve to ask him if I could kiss him(silly I know, but true). He then kissed me after I said that and was very passionate and I said to him you have no idea how long I have wanted to kiss you and he to said he had wanted to for a very long time. It was the most wonderful sexual experience I have ever had because both of us commented on how it was "weird because it wasn't weird at all". He was kind and kept asking me "if I was ok" in fact before sex he also was saying we do not have to do this. So not forceful in any way. Well I just looked at him and well it was him, someone I wanted for more than 1/2 my life as when I turned him down in HS years I to had the same feelings but felt I was doing the right thing at the time in order to save friendship. Anyways when he asked me if I was ok, I said I was, but it hurt a little but keep going. Well after a while though I finally just jumped off of him and stopped in the middle of sex as it just hurt a lot. I was so embarrassed and felt stupid because I had to stop and I had said it had been a while since I was with anyone as I am not a sleep around person. He kissed me on the forhead and kissed me a little more and said it was ok and I was making a bigger deal out of it than it was. I was so selfish and didn't even at the time think about "leaving him hanging". Now he has pulled away and I don't know if it is because he just needs some time after his hard relationship or if I bruised his ego because I stopped in the middle of sex? After all these years and we both have the same feelings there has to be "something" there with us and I'm just afraid is this normal of him pulling away and if so why do you think he is or if I did something to bruise him and he won't come back? If I did something wrong or if there is anything I can do I want to do it, I just know how much guys likes "not" talking about there feelings and I don't want to push him into doing that before he is ready. Oh he also slept at my house a few days after this happend but I felt So uncomfortable as I felt he was so i'm not sure if that gave him an idea that I was upset. If anyone has further questions just ask, and I will tell you. Thanks and please any comments or advice you could give would be wonderful. Again thanks for taking the time to read this!
Re: Did I Bruise his Ego? charmed: My guess is that the situation made him feel insecure and he didn't know if you were unsatisfied, having second thoughts or truly in pain. When something like this happens, a man will doubt himself. He needs reassurance as to what happened. I would suggest talking openly about what transpired and what you can do to make the situation better in the future.
Good luck ;D
`charmed
Re: Did I Bruise his Ego? Macaw_Lover: Thanks for responding to my long story. See he was supposed to stay at my house for 2 weeks and after that Sat. night he slept at my house that wed. but we both didn't talk. I'm not sure how to bring this up to him even.....he means the world to me and I dont' want to screw this up. Not after all this time. Do you think he will move on from this? Again thank you for taking the time to read my long post.
Re: Did I Bruise his Ego? Mooneyes: I think you need to talk to him. Perhaps you should say. I was scared/hurt. Could we try again and a little slower this time?
Re: Did I Bruise his Ego? charmed: You're quite welcome ;D
From experience, I suggest stepping out and talking to him. I know it's tough, but he sounds like he's worth the effort. He may have so many doubts that he doesn't feel secure in bringing this up. I feel you are the one that will have to close this gap. It would be sad to see this gap get wider because this situation isn't discussed.
A possible dialogue:
_____ I loved being with you the other night and I'm sorry if I may have made you feel bad, but I would like to explain and assure you, it had nothing to do with you"
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