How do I find that hope again? jt5639: Here's my question for the masses...
How do I find that hope again? The hope, the belief that there is really someone out there for me who will stay with me? The hope and belief that a life-long beautiful romantic partnership can really occur?
I am so shaken. In the months since my break-up I've realized how different my ex and I are. To make the story short, we came to a point where our relationship could not continue on with some of the ways we interacted. My reaction was to step up and do the work, his was to leave.
I cannot comprehend the way he behaved. He told me he wanted to marry me. He was planning on proposing. When the shit hit the fan,and I asked him how he could be feeling the way he was when he was planning on proposing... he said it was a "last ditch effort". It still makes me sick to my stomach when I think about that statement. Marriage is so major to me. So, so major. How can someone think that way? And then 2 months later, he had a new g/f.
I'm so damn confused because this is so wrapped up in my core values and beliefs, and I'm realizing that we don't really hold the same things close to our hearts. This is a scary thought, because I'm so lost as to what our relationship was to him if he could just walk away, not attempt salvaging, and be with someone else so soon after it ended. I'm scared that it didn't mean as much to him as I thought, I'm scared because I trusted him more than anyone else in my life...so where does that leave me now? I thought he really wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives. I really really believed that. How can I stop this from shaking me to the core?
I am so shaken by this. I feel like I really don't believe that there is someone who will stay with me and who will try to fix problems when they come up. Who will challenge me and himself to become better people, and keep improving the relationship. I really really thought I had found that in my ex. And I realize it's because I found that in myself, and assumed it meant he felt the same way.
How can I keep my heart open? How can I hang on to hope after this huge betrayal and loss?
- jt
Re: How do I find that hope again? Mart: Wow. Jt, I have spent the weekend asking myself exactly the same thing! Now it is Monday morning, and unfortunately, I still have not found the answer. Still searching...
Re: How do I find that hope again? dirk8: sometimes i feel the exact same way you do...
but then sometimes i feel like, i know exactly what to look for now. so in the future i will be able to make wiser decisions for the sake of my mate, and for myself.
besides, once this pain pain of being alone passes, i think i will really enjoy bachelor life. if i die alone then so be it. i have plenty of friends to share my life with.
i think we often forget that there was a point in our lives when we were fine just being by ourselves.
Re: How do I find that hope again? Gem72: Hi jt,
I'm new to this site but I thought I would share my story with you.
I don't know how long you were with this guy but my past relationship I dated a guy for 5 months. The relationship was the longest I've dated anyone since my divorce from my husband.
The guy I dated told me he loved me, wanted to marry me, etc. Yes, he laid it on vey think in the beginning and then he started to change. Anyway, to make a long story short, he ended it. I took it pretty hard b/c it was the first time in a VERY long time that I wasn't the one to end the relationship.
So for my last relationship I think alot of what he said was b/c the relationship was new and eventually the newness wore off. If you were only with this guy for a short period of time, then maybe that is what happened with you two.
Gem72
