Can anyone explain to me "I just don't love you anymore" kfc75: OK, I know there are a lot people on OJAR who have gotten the I just don't love you any more talk. To me it seems such a flakey reason, I mean there has to be more to it than that, why did they stop loving us? And in my case it seemed like a switch was just flipped, one day everything was fine, the next I'm getting a divorce, no trying, no talking about it, nothing! I was told she had felt that way for a really long time, and she had just been pretending, or even that it was just all a big mistake and she should have never married me me in the first place, so there was no point to trying anything, what a great way to make me feel like I wasted the last 6 years, being with someone who was just using me.
So.. what I am getting to is, can anyone shed any light on this for me, let me what happened and why, I just want to have an understnading. So, if anyone who has been given the I just don't love you talk and figured some things out, or if you have given it, I would love to hear you're thoughts.
Before all this started I had no idea how many marriages seem to fail for no real reason, it's just sad to me!
take care
Dave
Re: Can anyone explain to me "I just don't love you anymore" dgiirl: I would say 99% of the time that line (or variation) is used because there's another person. If there's another person involved, they are confusing their infatuation with this person with the love they have towards you. They're all addicted to the rush you feel when you first meet someone. It's an extremely powerful feeling, and after years of not feeling it with your spouse, you rationalize to yourself that you dont love the spouse but the other person and you flee.
It's also a very hurtful statement. And whether they consciously or subconsciously realize it, they are trying to hurt you so you'll leave them alone. What better way to get you to stop begging them to come back if they tell you they never loved you, never wanted to get married, etc? You're reaction is to get pissed off and tell them to go where the sun dont shine. Thus they have their freedom to follow the other person without you nagging/begging/crying and making them feel guilty.
After some time apart, and they've been given the freedom to follow the other person, they usually realize they were never in love with the other person either and their relationship breaks up. Does that mean they're back in love with you and you have a chance of reconcilation? Maybe, maybe not. Every situation is different, and after going through all the pain we went through, we all change (both sides). We're able to reflect on the relationship and realize all the problems in the marriage which led up to the affair. If the relationship was healthy, then a reconcilation is possible. If the relationship was not healthy, then both parties have to decide of a reconcilation is possible. Sometimes people simply do not want to put the effort into making things work. You're best chance of reconcilation is to simply work on yourself and make you a better person. If the wayward spouse cannot do the same, then atleast you've made improvements to make a better relationship with someone else. Nothing is in vain if you can come away with something positive.
Re: Can anyone explain to me "I just don't love you anymore" mine: i have been in relationships before...
when you just grow apart ....gone stale ......
and i can tell you now......
my love for the woman i am with now
makes me wonder if i ever really truly loved my past love...
i thought i did at the time ....but what i have now
is just so special
Re: Can anyone explain to me "I just don't love you anymore" tyrogers: No way. Not 99% of the time. I have to totally disagree.
My first marriage, I married young and I was pregnant when I married him. I should not have married him. Call it temporary psychosis, raging pregnancy hormones or whatever...I made it work for about 3 years. I loved him, just not like I should have. I asked for the divorce. I was the one who said I did not love him anymore. THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE.
The only explanation I have for that statement is based on my situation at that time. I did not love him like I should have when I married him. There were underlying issues (little arguments, control issues, youth, stupidity, stupid household chores, etc.) that were never spoken or truly dealt with that built up over time which resulted in the "I don't love you anymore" line.
BBH
Re: Can anyone explain to me "I just don't love you anymore" mine: i agree bbh
it is like i say ....
i think it is possible to be love with the idea of being in love
and when the reality becomes true
the dream can become a nightmare
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