Re: Can anyone explain to me "I just don't love you anymore" Cowboy12: [quote author=dgiirl link=topic=17571.msg152624#msg152624 date=1124720866">
I would say 99% of the time that line (or variation) is used because there's another person. If there's another person involved, they are confusing their infatuation with this person with the love they have towards you. They're all addicted to the rush you feel when you first meet someone. It's an extremely powerful feeling, and after years of not feeling it with your spouse, you rationalize to yourself that you dont love the spouse but the other person and you flee.
It's also a very hurtful statement. And whether they consciously or subconsciously realize it, they are trying to hurt you so you'll leave them alone. What better way to get you to stop begging them to come back if they tell you they never loved you, never wanted to get married, etc? You're reaction is to get pissed off and tell them to go where the sun dont shine. Thus they have their freedom to follow the other person without you nagging/begging/crying and making them feel guilty.
After some time apart, and they've been given the freedom to follow the other person, they usually realize they were never in love with the other person either and their relationship breaks up. Does that mean they're back in love with you and you have a chance of reconcilation? Maybe, maybe not. Every situation is different, and after going through all the pain we went through, we all change (both sides). We're able to reflect on the relationship and realize all the problems in the marriage which led up to the affair. If the relationship was healthy, then a reconcilation is possible. If the relationship was not healthy, then both parties have to decide of a reconcilation is possible. Sometimes people simply do not want to put the effort into making things work. You're best chance of reconcilation is to simply work on yourself and make you a better person. If the wayward spouse cannot do the same, then atleast you've made improvements to make a better relationship with someone else. Nothing is in vain if you can come away with something positive.
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Dgiirl, Thats the best sum up I have seen on OJAR for months..well said.
Re: Can anyone explain to me "I just don't love you anymore" kfc75: Ty, one question... was it like a build up over time that your life was just "blah" or was it like the switch being flipped and all of a sudden you realized that there was no love there?
Maybe it's just a product of getting married too young, before you have time to grow up, my STBX was almost 19 when we got married.
Re: Can anyone explain to me "I just don't love you anymore" mine: to young ...
in my experience....
people are never truly happy with themselves until a much later age.......
Re: Can anyone explain to me "I just don't love you anymore" tyrogers: It was both. It was "blah", but we had not had sex in months and I had NO urge to have sex with him. It just ... shut off. So, both. BEFORE I did anything "wrong", I asked for a divorce. I did not want to be the bad person or the cheater or anything like that. I DID NOT CHEAT and there was NO ONE else. Sooooo........don't assume that there IS/WAS someone else.
bbh
(Any more questions, ask away! ;))
Re: Can anyone explain to me "I just don't love you anymore" kfc75: Did he know it was coming or was he totaly blindsided?
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