Re: I’m still a mess WhiskeyGirl: [quote author=JimB link=topic=17601.msg153061#msg153061 date=1124755084">
That could be interpreted as manipulative. In other words, it's possible that she didn't come clean because honesty is important - she came clean because she realized if she didn't, you'd be gone forever. Is that really why she came clean now?
[/quote">
I agree with JimB......actually agree with the whole post but this part stands out. I dont like that everytime your posts start sounding positive and happy, something happens involving your wife and your right back to being confused, upset, and angry. She wants you around, she needs you....she isnt willing to let you move on it seems every time you start to she starts pulling those strings. Mabey I am reading to much into this, I honestly dont know your whole story from the begininng but all I know is if you posted that everything was going great with this new girl and you felt ready to move on I'd be like this ;D :D ;)
But if you posted that you are getting back together with your wife....I'd be like this ??? :-\ :'(...........I mean I would hope for you that she was sincere and that it would work out but I'd really be wondering if she deserved your trust.....is she sincere or (and this is from YOUR siggy) did it not work out the way she planned?
Whatever you decide take it slow......dont jump back into anything, why not suggest counselling mabey? tell your wife that you have begun to move on, you are dating and will continue to do so but that you are open to the possibility of reconciliation? Spend some time together, do the counselling......how much effort and how patient she is willing to be will be a good indicator of how honest she is being about her feelings.
Good luck, thinkin', with whatever you decide.......
Whiskey
Re: I’m still a mess Thinkin: Lumpy: You got allot of that right, I do feel that the trust has been breeched, but I don't feel the need to level the field or get any kind of revenge in anyway. If I wanted to get her back all I'd have to do is tell her about the new girl and I would have my revenge. But I don't want to hurt her, I want her to move on and be happy now. I didn't before but I just feel it's too little too late now. I'm over her after the months of hurt she put me through. To this day she tells me she has not been with anyone else but the co-worker she kissed and I kindda believe her.
Christy: Very well said, I couldn't have explained it better myself. I don't know what else to say but that you explained my feels pretty well. Thank you.
Chey: Oh Chey, I love you and your willingness to be so brutally honest. I dig the fact that you throw it out there even if it would and could piss someone off. Don't ever stop doing that, but I have to ask. Why is she coming around now? I have wanted this for so long and now that I have the chance I don't feel the same. We have been trying to work things out for something like the 4 time this past month. We have gone out and spent time together but it just doesn't seem the same. I find myself thinkin of all the things she said to me and all the things she did like flake on me only to go out with her friends. I seem to only be useful when she wanted me and my feeling didn't mean sh!t to her for the past 8 months. She didn't really do what I asked since it took me telling her that I now could be friends and that I just didn't want her anymore, then that sparked this big turn around, but I feel it's too late. My soul mate wouldn't have cheated within two months of our wedding day. As far as the new girl I have explained this to her and told her I was dealing with some issues and that I am even still married. She understand and will go as slow as I need to, she seems to be one of the most understanding people I have met in a long time. I have been totally honest and up front with her. And with that my favorite ojar bug lover, I'm gonna go take a sh!t.
Re: I’m still a mess Thinkin: LOL, post was too long for one posting. Damn I guess I'm a little more messed up then I thought.
(Carry On)
Jim: Thanks for your feedback, you have tossed in your two cents before and I think allot of it hits home as well. One thing I do need to clear up is that my wife came clean right away, well maybe not right away but it only took me a week to get it out of her. Thing is since then she was very cold distant and seemed to be very uncaring about anybody but herself. I just wanted to point out she didn't just admit it if that what you thought. On the other hand you are right on the money about me unsure I can give her another chance now that she has proven she could not really be trusted and that I will always have the cold things she did and said to me over the last 8 months. If I didn't know better I would think she was trying to mess with my mind and make me crazy, Now that I'm feeling better she pulls me back in by my leash that she still has control of.
Whiskey: You'll have to read my reply to Jim since I already explained to him the she didn't just come clean and that's what you put in quotes. I do however like what you said what I quoted below, I didn't really noticed that until you pointed it out. But your right, she always seems to screw with me only to let me down.
[quote"> I don’t like that every time your posts start sounding positive and happy, something happens involving your wife and your right back to being confused, upset, and angry. She wants you around, she needs you....she isn’t willing to let you move on it seems every time you start to she starts pulling those strings. Mabey I am reading to much into this[/quote">
In the beginning I asked her about counseling and if you ever saw my major trust issues thread then you'd know I'm am against counseling but was will to do it anyway but she was not interested. But now just today she asked if I would be willing. I didn't really answer her cause I really do not like the idea of it. And like I said before in this post I think to chey I am taking things very slow and have been as honest as I can be with the new girl and she likes that I have been open with her. I'm really trying to do the right thing here. I think my wife is being truly honest about wanting to make an effort but how long will it last is what I keep asking myself. Will it be short lived? Will we fall right back into the same ruts that got us in this mess? Will I ever be able to get the haunting words she said over the last months? I'm just so worried that I would be setting myself up to fall if I give her another chance to kick me.
Damn that was a long post, but I think with all this feedback that I'm looking for it should make my decision making a little more clear, at least that's what I'm hoping for. I understand it's up to me but all the feedback and questions helps me look to things I may not be seeing myself, and that's what is so damn cool about this place.
Take care all,
ThinkinI'mSleepyNow
Re: I’m still a mess Cowboy12: Thinkin I can see the dilema your in .. It's like being back in that fluffy cloud where you can't seem to find the way out. Sometimes looking in on other people's lives is easier than looking at our own.
There's a difference between trust & stupidity, quit trying to make yourself trust someone you don't trust.
You can trust yourself, and make good decisions from that. Figure out if her words match her behaviour, is what she says the same as what she does.
If you pay attention to yourself and the messages you recieve from the others, you will know whether & when you can trust her.
I know its hard making tough decisions about ending relationships that were miserable & destructive, but if the marriage is dead ..bury it.
I think you have a very understanding new girlfriend who hasn't let you down, and is there for you. Don't be afraid to be happy with her.
Re: I’m still a mess ChristyM: [quote"> quit trying to make yourself trust someone you don't trust.[/quote">
This is something I've been trying to wrap my head around. Until the separation/divorce I thought trust was inherent ... I trusted you until you let me down, now it seems to be you have to prove yourself before I'll trust you. But, I do believe deep down trust should be something you don't have to work at. It's just there ... comfortable and secure. You made a good point Cowboy.
Christy
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