Re: I’m still a mess Chey: Thinkin, can I just say that this line below nearly made me spit my milk all over my keyboard...I had such a laugh when I read it.
[quote author=Thinkin link=topic=17601.msg153367#msg153367 date=1124789103">
And with that my favorite ojar bug lover, I'm gonna go take a sh!t.
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I hope you understood that I was trying just to give you my opinion...based on what you said after my posting it's very clear that your feelings for your wife have changed considerably...to the point of almost no return? Maybe it's time to put the past in the past and deal with moving on. You deserve to be with someone you can trust...just try work on your trust issues so that your future relationship doesn't suffer. You're such a terrific guy that you deserve to go into the next "relationship of your heart" 100% committed to it.
Big hug
Re: I’m still a mess Thinkin: Hi Chey, I understand and I do really love the fact that you don't sugar coat things here. If you only told me what I wanted to hear you really wouldn't be helping me at all. But you always have a way to get me thinkin about things I may not see myself and that is what is so great about it. I have been trying to get it through to my wife that it's over and she is so upset about it and trying so hard now that it's bugging me as much as when all this first started. I was moving along so well and starting to move on and now all of this came out when I was ready to move on. I think that is making more worried about giving it another try, I have resentment for her for even wanting to work it out now and not before. I hate her for the fact that when I'm finally ready she is going to try and screw me up again.
Cowboy, Good point and that's just what I'm trying to do but my wife is not letting me move on now and that is cause more resentment. I am pretty damn sure I'd like this to all be over now.
Christy, Have you ever seen my Major trust issues thread? I see allot of the same trust issues between us and just wanted to know. I can dig it up for you if you haven't, I think it's interesting when I look back at it now because I can kindda see where they started and they helped me understand a few things. Thanks so much
So here we are today, my wife wants to hang out. I really would like to move on but she isn't getting it. I have told her a few times now only to have her cry me back to agreeing to see her. I'm not making it easier on her I know but I'm just not that evil to say no and fuck off. I feel so bad cause I have wanted this for so long and now I just don't feel it, I hold too much resentment for all the things she has done and said.
How do I let her know without being a bad guy? She begs to give her a chance and I feel so bad for her.
ThinkinI'mStuck
Re: I’m still a mess JimB: [quote author=Thinkin link=topic=17601.msg153739#msg153739 date=1124824889">
How do I let her know without being a bad guy? She begs to give her a chance and I feel so bad for her.
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IMO, be a bad guy. Be the ass that she needs you to be.
Let's face it - you're going to be the bad guy no matter what. You're done with her, and you can't help that. This thing is going to end, and that isn't what she wants. Anybody who tells you you can't have something you want really bad is going to be a bad guy in your eyes. Right?
So since the outcome is inevitable, might as well be as direct as you can. Stop short of being cruel, but recognize that the truth is sometimes brutal. Better to get it over with quickly.
Think of it as a test of your courage and your commitment to what is right. IMO, it'll make it easier for her if she can blame you for the end of the relationship. It's not really her fault, but if you can help her recover by allowing her to think that, why wouldn't you?
Re: I’m still a mess AmyMarie1972: Thinkin,
It sounds to me that you have already made your decision that you do not want to go back. I remember reading your post on why you find it difficult to trust someone. You wife has lost your trust and I think that you know deep down that she is never going to fully regain it again.
I know that you love your wife and you dont want to hurt her but she is going to have to come to terms with the fact that you are moving on. You can tell her that you will always care about her but the two of you can not go back and it is time for both of you to move forwards with you lives.
She will be upset and she could even beg, and you are going to appear as the bad guy, but you know in your heart that it is the right thing for you and her.
We all know that you are not a bad guy and that you are a great person.
Take care and loads of luck
Amy
