Re: I’m still a mess Lumpy: Dear Thinkin',
I think that you hit on a key thought in your first post on this topic. It doesn't feel the same. (In regards to the ex) It can't ever be the same. Too much has passed between the two of you. Once that fundamental trust has been breached I don't believe it can ever really be the same again. A line has been crossed. An innocence that the two of you shared has been lost. I spose it could be a grass is greener thing but I doubt it is that simple. Doesn't it just make more sense emotionally to invest in someone who hasn't trampled your heart? It's certainly easier. Maybe you feel a need to level the playing field to some degree. Shouldn't you have the same opportunity that she TOOK (It's not like she asked you right?) This attitude might be somewhat juvenile but I don't think it's unfair...Oh, I definately agree with Missing U. She feels it. She might not KNOW but she knows something is different.
Re: I’m still a mess ChristyM: I went through this same thing. After I moved to Florida I got the distinct impression the ex was really feeling me out about "us". I told someone I felt bad because I didn't want to try again and yet I thought that's what was expected of me. Almost like I was letting someone down. Who that "someone" was, I don't know. It was just a vague, bummed out feeling I had that sometimes made me cry. I don't think I ever wanted to try because I was hurt so bad and had that proverbial carrot dangled in front of me one too many times just to have it snatched away. I wasn't willing to put my heart out there again. The cost/reward ratio was too high.
Christy
Re: I’m still a mess Chey: Just to put my 2c in here since I've followed this almost since Day 1...is life really that invaluable that you can afford to possibly say you want to walk away from this woman who you have for months thought was your soul mate?
The trust she broke was to have an emotional affair for which you have essentially been asking for her to see the wrong and apologise, she has done that doubly so....so now you're moving the goal posts? Who really isn't being fair now? She's done what you've asked.
It's either make or break time. You're not being fair to either of you now. You're letting your trust issues potentially cloud your decision making here...you know that's a big issue for you. On the other hand, are you letting your insecurities stop you from making a clean break and finding someone else and will you go through that AGAIN with a new person because you haven't dealt with your "trust" issue.
As it goes buddy sh!t or get off the pot on this one.
Chey
Re: I’m still a mess JimB: I agree with Chey in general BUT....
Timing is important. You wanted her to fess up, and she didn't. And she didn't. And she didn't. So you decided to move on. So now it's finally kicked in that you're moving on, and she finally decides to come clean. That could be interpreted as manipulative. In other words, it's possible that she didn't come clean because honesty is important - she came clean because she realized if she didn't, you'd be gone forever. Is that really why she came clean now? Maybe, maybe not, but you'll never know for sure.
I don't think the new girl has anything to do with it. More likely, you want certain things in your life (e.g. TRUST) that your wife has proven unable to provide. So naturally you're excited by any new opportunity to get these things you want which you haven't had. This new girl represents that opportunity.
Your thinkin is fine, Thinkin. Just don't be thinkin that your feelings are unimportant here. If you're done with her, that's the way it goes. I'm sure you still care about her - it'd be hard not to. But sometimes it's a matter of timing, and it sounds like hers is bad.
Re: I’m still a mess Chey: Well I agree with JimB in general too ... BUT
My point was not that his thinking was wrong...it was simply that they're now torturing each other with this waiting stuff...or that the new relationship is bad...just that they're circling each other.
The other option is that of course this now doesn't become fair to the new girl, who has taken a chance by investing time in this.
You know what...at the end of the day YOU know yourself and your wife better than anyone. Take a chance either way....
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