how can they be so cold? genesplicer: I'm not really sure if this is a vent or not, just having a really tough day. Been working through getting up the energy to get an appointment with the accountant set up (want to know how much of my hide uncle sam is going to make off with next year after the divorce), and emailing back and forth with the stbx about what paperwork we need to bring, etc.
Short recap of my story is that my stbx announced that he didn't love me anymore mid May of this year, moved out to the apartment he already had rented, and that's pretty much how our contact ended. Only the occasional email to try and get the paperwork in order.
I guess I'm just really having a hard time with the cold, calculating way this all went down. Looking back I should have seen that he wasn't happy, I guess toward the end I probably wasn't either, but there's been absolutely no closure. No uncertainty, no looking back, no discussing the situation, no nothing.
Having your best friend go 180 on you just like that, after lying for god only knows how long about loving and caring about you, making you into some kind of business associate at best. Not even that, at least you'd ask a business associate how they are doing. No help with the mortgage, or the house repairs, or anything else that's going on. Just long winded emails on the implications of the capital gains tax, or how he's found a law firm that can get us divorced in a week (yippee, just what I needed to hear!), then another email saying that he misread said law firms website and we really do have to wait through the 6 month separation first (WTF, you thought you could get around that. After 10 years what your f'ing rush??)
Not that I need his help with any of that, I'm figuring things out as I go.
Sheesh, guess I found another one of those anger fountains, and he did what it took to unleash it... Just tired of being lonley, depressed, and tired...
-GS
Re: how can they be so cold? sourpuss: ugh. i feel for you.
my stbx cut off contact without a goodbye.
the difference for me is that he won't even help with the divorce. what a pantload.
he could get out of the house fast enough and now he won't even provide his address so i can send him the papers.
what an @sshat.
Re: how can they be so cold? dgiirl: All I can say is I understand completely.
Re: how can they be so cold? jem: I had a really hard time with this as well. My x was the same way after he told me he wanted out. It was out of nowhere, a total 180 like you had mentioned, and the best way that I could describe it to anyone as to how he was treating me was like a "business transaction". I think that it was the only way he could deal with himself. Like if he let me in to talk about anything personal, it would weaken him. It was terrible, and the only way I have been able to get closure on some things is to write unsent letters and/or journal about my feelings to get it out. I still don't have closure on everything though. I suspected another woman, and have recently found out my suspiscions (sp?) were true, but he would never admit it. Kept denying it- so I still don't have closure on that whole issue. Anyhow, the @hole had the nerve to ask me (after three months of treating me like a business transaction) if we could be friends. WTF? Friends don't treat other friends like that, ever. I really think it was his way of trying to deal with the guilt. I don't know if your stbx is going through any of this, maybe this is why he is acting this way??
In retrospect, I think him acting this way may have helped me to begin the healing process faster. It was difficult to get closure and accept, but I had plenty of angry feeling to deter me from ever being tempted to try and beg him back or feel for him. I had to only think of myself, which was a good thing for me.
Re: how can they be so cold? genesplicer: thanks guys :)
I'll be surprised if I'm still sane at the end of this journey. Stbx was nice enough to point out that we can file two days after my bday later this year. Happy birthday to me... what an @ss-monkey.
sourpuss - wow, that's a real classy way to disappear. wonder where they sell those @sshat hunting permits?
jem - I suspect that my stbx is trying to rationalize/justify his actions through his current actions, but if you have to go that far, aren't you really grasping at straws? But he'd never admit to that. I hope my stbx knows better than to pull the 'friends' thing, you guys will be bailing me out if he does. ;)
*Insert maniacal screaming here*
