Re:online dating - help wakepner: inebr-
Merry Christmas! I have done the online dating thing, on and off...off now and have found you HAVE to be brutally honest with the people you meet. BUT also be aware that they may not be with you.
I wish you the best of luck!
I was all for it but then have had some recent bad experiences... but I am not sure if those are Los Angeles related too.
Good luck!
online dating - help inebr: I thought I'd try the onlne dating thing, just to dip into the dating pool. I have mixed feelings about it in terms of whether I'm ready or not. Some days I feel like I'm not, other days I feel like I can't wait. I've been separated since June but officially divorced since the 15th. anyhow, I thought a brutally honest profile would weed out people looking to find partners to "look at the sunset or go for walks", not that that's bad or anything, but I need some way to narrow it down. Well, I narrowed it down. Only one person has responded in about two weeks, who seemed nice, intelligent, interesting and also thought my profile was nice. SO, we emailed a couple of times. And I'm already freaked out about it. He said he was going to do something with friends in Kansas but thought he would rather email me ...and that if I wanted to do something that he'd stick around and not visit friends for the holiday!! That freaks me out that someone would change their plans with friends for a stranger they emailed twice. SO, now I don't know how to end this "relation". I can't go forward without feeling weird about it, no matter how intelligent, kind, interesting he is. He seems too interested. Am I a freak?
I know that this is one of my key problems, I feel weird about something/someone but proceed because I don't want to hurt the other person. And even try to make the person feel good about themselves by acting how I perceive they want. Feeding their ego at the cost of my own. It's horrible horrible horrible and I don't want to go down that road again! But I don't want to hurt this person, either. But I need to not get into this.
Can anyone relate to this? What would you do?
oh, btw, Merry Christmas! ;)
Re:online dating - help PiscesGoddess: Merry Christmas to you too inebr ;D..and as for your post..I think you said it all right here..
"I know that this is one of my key problems, I feel weird about something/someone but proceed because I don't want to hurt the other person. And even try to make the person feel good about themselves by acting how I perceive they want. Feeding their ego at the cost of my own. It's horrible horrible horrible and I don't want to go down that road again! But I don't want to hurt this person, either. But I need to not get into this. "
You need to feel good about YOU and perceive what it is YOU want..and believe you me honey..I am the pot calling the kettle here cause I do it too.. but the days of trying to make someone else happy at the expense of our own need to be over. You said "I need to not get into this"..YOu have the answer right there honey..You dont even know this person really..and if it makes you uncomfortable..you shouldnt do it.. ::) Just my feeble 2 cents..Ive been down the road.. :P
Good luck and I know you will figure this out..
Hang in there!
Hugs
Pisces :)
Re:online dating - help dominowin: Inebr,
I ditto Pisces' comments. It's one thing to push yourself a bit to do something you're slightly uncomfortable with -- you already did that by putting up a profile. It's another thing to go beyond that and start trying to please others when it's not right for you. You have your answer!! In any scenario you get yourself in now (I'm doing this for myself, btw) I think it's important to stop first and ask yourself "how is this making me feel?" "Do I feel anxious?" "Do I feel at ease in this?" if the answer is no, step back! There's no time frame, you can always wait a couple of weeks/months and get back to it. And I've changed my online dating profile a couple of times to reflect how I'm doing.
Hang in there!
:D
Re:online dating - help finney5: Inebr, I can totally relate. I just reactivated my online profile recently (I turned it off because wierdo 50 year old men were responding to it). I have gotten a couple of emails, but a few of them are of the freaky variety. ex: I get this poem about passion and stuff from a total stranger, another guy has sent a couple of emails..the first one I didn't see because my email service kicked it right into the junk folder, and the second one is the guy asking to meet me at Taco Bell for lunch--I've never TALKED to the guy!!!
I say be completely honest with the guy.. say something like Slow down buddy! I hardly even know you. Maybe you should keep your plans with your buddies and perhaps the next time around we will meet. You don't even know this guy well enough to have to worry about his feelings? Did he leave you an out when he said he'd change his plans? If not then maybe he's not even concerned about your feelings! Let us know what you do!
Good luck and watch out for yourself! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
