Re: What do I do NOW? SunnyFlower: Found-
You have a very good point, there....however my situation is a little different, just like all of ours are. I was never unfaithful to my husband. I do miss the comforts of "marriage", but I can honestly say that I also miss HIM, as well. I was afraid to admit this to myself up until recently, and that's the reason why I hadn't bothered to talk to him earlier. There was a reply to this post where someone said this is not about egos. I had always put up walls and was afraid to admit I was might be wrong about something in the past. I see how ridiculous that is!
I feel like I have had alot of personal growth and I can truly say I feel that I have changed. The trick is getting him to listen and understand.
In my state, I CAN file a petition to have him put me back on his insurance until the divorce is final, but haven't because of money reasons and feel like he shouldn't have to pay for me because I am the one who wanted to seperate in the beginning. Even if he put me back on his insurance and I offered to pay for it, he may not do it voluntarily, which would mean I'd have to file a petition with the courts which means...you got it...MORE money!! I am going to bring it up to him when we talk.
It's wierd...I had a dream just this afternoon where he admitted he missed me, and when I tried to contact him, I couldn't get in touch with him no matter how hard I tried. I can only hope it's not a preminition! I am excited and nervous at the same time...I know I could have probably found a way to talk to him since posting, since he seemed pretty agreeable to it, but I am so scared as to what might happen and what he's going to say! I feel as though there is still that "hope" there if i put it off a little while, even though I feel like i am going crazy inside. :-[
Re: What do I do NOW? grober: Hey sunny.
Yeah, all of our circumstances are unique. The realization of the degree of my X's betrayal was my "point of no return". I don't know the details of how you got to where you are. So, I don't know if you H has reach his or not. That is what you have to figure out.
If he is determined to go through with it, no amount of personal growth on your part will convice him otherwise. Sounds like you made a great deal of headway with your personal issues. That is great.
Best of luck.
Re: What do I do NOW? SunnyFlower: Thanks again, Found, but by no means am I done working on myself AT ALL!!
I talked to him for a few minuted this evening when he came to pick up our son, and he agreed to talk tomorrow night. He said "I can't imagine it would take longer than 15 minutes." I informed him that the subject of "us" is unavoidable and that it would inevitably come up tomorrow, and to plan on talking longer than 15 minutes, so, at least now he knows that before going in and can't say I manipulated him and led him to believe otherwise.
I honestly don't want to manipulate him into giving our relationship another try by holding my decision about the house over his head. I just can't make a decision about signing the house over (even WITH getting half the equity in our home) until I know for sure that "we" are dead. It's the only control I have over "us"...I know this all sounds so terrible!! It's our last tie together, and by signing the house over, it cuts that tie. One of us is in denial...either he is by being close minded when it comes to his true feelings or I am by not wanting to admit to myself that it's really over. How/when will I know? (I don't expect an answer to that one.) It's just that we haven't talked AT ALL in 7 months about our relationship....so in my mind there is still hope there. At least if i bugged him a little bit about wanting to work it out and he continually declined I would have a better idea. Does that make any sense?
So, tomorrow night is the "big" night. I am prepared to grovel and leave my ego and pride at home.
Re: What do I do NOW? achingallover: This concerns me:
"It's the only control I have over "us"..."
You say you don't want to manipulate him and then you use the house to do that. You need to realize, you have NO control over the "us" here. You gave that up when you left in the first place. You need to continue and do with the house what you would do keeping to the idea that you are, in fact, divorced. Do not hold the house over his head! Big mistake. If you really want him back, let GO!!! No more control!!! State your case to him tomorrow night, but realize you ARE using the house to manipulate him. There are other houses out there. If you all do end up back together again, you can buy a new house...or whatever - but do NOT do the thing that you are saying you don't want to do - control or manipulate him.
May the force be with you-
Steph
Re: What do I do NOW? SunnyFlower: I know what you mean!! That's why i said "I know this all sounds terrible"...I was just at a loss for words. And, no, we are NOT divorced yet...still in the prcess, just seperated right now.
I truly, honestly with my whole heart DO NOT want to use the house as a means to get him to talk to me, or to convince him to give our relationship another try. I guess what I really meant was that it's just hard for me to sign it over to him at this point in time since we have had no real communication. Everything happened so fast. I feel torn. Please don't think I am trying to manipulate him by holding the house over his head, that is not my intention! (Although it does sound that way, I understand.....) Perhaps things will be more clear after we talk tomorrow.
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