Worst holiday ever... SargieGirl: Hello...I'm new to this forum and just looking for some support.
Yesterday my husband of two years told me that he wanted a divorce. He had an affair with another woman, which I knew about. He had told me that it was over and he wanted to work on things.
Turns out, she was pregnant. He then told me he still wanted a family with me.
Flashing to today...he travelled down to see her to give her apartment key back and pick up some of his things. My phone rings...and it's her. She wanted to know where he was, and I let her know that he was on his way there.
Then, she asks me...."What has he been telling you?"
It turns out, while he was telling me he loved me and wanted to work through things, he was telling her the same thing and attempting to get his job transferred to her location. He had even contacted a lawyer. None of this I knew about.
He'll be home Sunday. He wants to talk. I don't know what to do. Everything is so raw...I can't believe this is happening to me. He wants to remain close with me. Part of me wants that. Part of me wants to sever ties. I do love him...and I've never stopped.
He says that he loves me too. Just not in the way he loves her.
The pain is horrible. I can't eat, and can't sleep. I don't know how to tell my family (they adore him). I don't know how to be alone anymore...
Thank you for listening.
Re:Worst holiday ever... EZ: hi Girl
i am sooooo very sorry to hear of your pain, yes you have come to the right place for support.
i know it hurts ..... believe me we all do ..... i could never have imagined just how much. i also understand your problems with eating and sleeping. i also remember how i did not want to tell my family or my friends, but you know what they all understood and have really helped me. my friends have been here for me even when i talked the ears off of some of them....... my family understands and have stayed out of my private life as i asked. but anytime i need to talk they are there. its hard, d@mn hard, and nothing will just wash away the pain no words or no one can do that. all anyone can do is be there for you and listen to you.
there are some really great souls here to do just that ... i know i have found that out.
the only thing that someone told me right at first that has stuck, and i mean like in the first few days of this was "it gets better"
that sounded so cheap to me then ..... but they were right, it still hurts i wont lie but it does get better
and please dont ever feel like you are alone because that could not be so untrue.
listen to me ...... like im some kinda old hand at this lol... sorry im still finding my way again and only just a step ahead of where you are right now. i still cry at times.
i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and my prayers are with you.
peace and love always
Re:Worst holiday ever... picadilly: SargieGirl, I'm so sorry for your pain. I know how raw it can be... is.
It's been 2 months since my wife left me, 2 months. A friend told me that once you stop bothering to keep track of the days, it will hurt less. I can never see that happening, but I do know that it gets better. My pain is not so intense anymore... I still have sad days... ups & downs, you will too, but it won't be so raw as time mores forward, time makes it into a dull throb. :-\
That's all the advice I can give you, take this time to evaluate what you want in life for yourself. Your husband sounds like he wants the best of both worlds & that isn't right. This whole thing will never be right but you can make yourself right, eventually. Be strong for yourself.
My family loved my wife too, at times, it seemed they loved her more then me. :) That was always ok with me, I always wanted them to get along, my family means allot to me & I wanted them to love her. It was hard telling them that we seperated, it's never easy to give bad news to family. My mom & sister cried, my dad was in shock. Just remember that while they do not need to know the entire story of what happened, it would be good to tell them your seperating, they deserve to know, better from you then from him. If he is willing to lie to you, what do you think he would tell your family? They are also your best support network, if your close to your family.
Remember to hang in there, everyone at Ojar is there for you, we're all going through the same thing at one stage or another.
Peace & Love during these hard times.
Re:Worst holiday ever... jab: There is never a good time for this, but this time of year makes it worse. I feel horrible for you. All I can say is your family and friends will be your greatest assets during these times. I find myself at a loss of words here, but I'm glad you found this place. It's been a big help to me. I hope it helps you along the way too. I know it's too hard to even think ahead, but time will help.
Re:Worst holiday ever... PiscesGoddess: :'( Im so so sorry Sargiegirl.. Everyone around this board knows and understands the pain you are feeling..the shock..the numbness..the not knowing what to do next.what to say..wondering where you went wrong..wondering if there is anything you can do to save all that has fallen apart. ::)
Picadilly was right ..your husband wants the best of both worlds ..you and the rest of the puppets on a string he has.. You dont deserve that sort of treatment.. no one does. He sounds like a jerk to the n'th degree here.. uggh..
As for your family, once they know what he has done to you, I dont think they will quite "adore" him so much.. He was obviously fooling them.. I know HOW hard it is to start over.. but you can do it.. Please keep coming back to this board..the people here are truly truly amazing..and can share and relate to the pain..and it gets better..but it takes a lot of time...
My thoughts are with you..
HUGS..
Pisces
