Re: To be friends or not? hardened_heart1970: if i ever talk to mine again, i want someone to shoot me with an elephant gun, so i dont suffer....
friends dont do things to friends like they done to us right?
i say, if they want to have a friend, phone one. just not me..
Re: To be friends or not? lostboy: Man I'm down with Willy. My W stbx keeps dropping the lets be friends line and I keep thinking yeah I'd like to but, NONE of my friends would treat me the way you have. Why in God's name would I want to be friends with someone who disrespected and treated me so poorly. I think everyone else is right for the most part Twinklstr. This is just an attempt to set up a backup plan in case things fall through. well, it may just be my anger talking but I say FORGET IT! Especially if this guy was stabbing you in the back through e-mail to friends. That's just low. I'm sure you have better friends now as it is. Spend time with them and make some new ones!
Heck, find someone on Ojar who lives near you and hang out. What better more sympathetic friends could you ask for!
Just my opinion
Keep Well,
Lostboy
Re: To be friends or not? browngreen: I'm with the "whats in it for you" idea.
In considerig this with my H and I, at first I didn't want to be his friend. He wasn't worthy.
BUt then I thought maybe only the non-worthy things were just marriage related. Maybe I could really be his friend as long as we weren't in the thick of it, you know? We did have some really fun times, and he did bring out some really cool aspects of myself I thought I might lose if he wasn't going to be in my life any longer.
So, I renegged and became his friend.
Friends again lead to wanting to reconnect as lovers, to save the marriage, etc.... which ultimately resulted in revealing our base problem: we are not good enough friends to be together the rest of our lives.
Now I see that even with the bonus aspects of continuing to know him, and there are several, they are not worth the bogus aspects of being his friend.
The price I pay is too high, the friendship WAY too one sided.
I think he only wanted to persue it because he felt guilt, looking back.
BG
Re: To be friends or not? genesplicer: I don't know that I could ever really be friends with the stbx, since one of the most basic aspects of any great friendship is trust. After all the lies and hurtful things that have been said and done by him, I don't think I could ever trust him again.
To me it would never be a complete friendship without this. Maybe someday when all is said and done I'll feel differently, but I doubt it. As much as it hurts right now to think this way.
Well, unless of course you subscribe to the 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' thinking ;)
Re: To be friends or not? WhiskeyGirl: I try to be friends....I really do, I mean we have 3 kids together right? so its important to me that we have some sort of friendship so we can be on the same side while raising these kids together. thinking about it though....even though to most people I would say "yep, Im friends with my ex" it isnt really a friendship...it looks that way on the outside, we chat on the phone about this and that when he calls to talk to the kids, we shop for school stuff together, we even have coffee to talk about issues that come up....but I dont trust him, heck most of the time I dont even like him, he can be such a prick. I do care about him...but I think that has more to do with the fact that he is the father of my children than any sort of "friendship" So anyway, after all this rambling I guess I would say No, Im not friends with him, I do my best to have a civil, working relationship...thats about it :)
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