Hello! - Back Again! - Brief Update. dulok68: Blimey - I go offline for 6 weeks and don't recognise any names. For anyone out there from May/June heres an update.
Been attending counselling and still try to reconcile. It's been just over 26 weeks since I found out about her PA. (Bl00dy h3ll - that's half a year - IS IT THAT LONG ALREADY). Doesn't time fly when you are so damn busy with work/kids/life.
Some weeks go by and it is really good - others go by and they are crappy. I guess I am in the middle of a crappy one, which is why I find myself back here just to ponder a few thoughts outloud if nothing else.
She is doing all the right things and our counseller is so happy with progress that we have gone from once a week, to once every two weeks, and we are in middle of a 6 week break until our proposed FINAL session. So why do I still feel like I can't decide if this is what I want anymore. Why do I feel some days like I am falling OUT of love with this gorgeous woman who is working so hard to make things right again.
Okay - any way - she's out at the moment, and so I guess I better go put our 2 youngest boys to bed before they end up wreaking the house.
To those who know me/my story, hope you are keeping well and things are working out for you.
Re: Hello! - Back Again! - Brief Update. dgiirl: Does your therapist know your feelings towards the marriage? You cant keep things like this a secret and expect the marriage to work. Now is the time to be completely honest about everything. Your wife is doing all this work to make changes and make things better, but until you know what you want and you communicate that truthfully, she's doing all this work in vain. It takes two to make the marriage succeed. Dont hide things now expecting things will get better in time cos they might not. I think your feelings are perfectly normal. She's had a PA, and now that some time has passed, you are starting to resent the fact that she did it. And I think that resentment is starting to cloudy up your love towards your wife. If you really want to save your marriage, you need to work through that resentment by communicating it, and not keeping it in trying to protect your wife.
Re: Hello! - Back Again! - Brief Update. alonewith2: I agree with Dgiirl. I tried reconcilliation with my STBX and I still had nagging doubts/thoughts/etc.....it didn't work out in the end. I know that I had some blame this time because I didn't put as much in to it as I should have and never voiced many of my concerns until it was too late.
Re: Hello! - Back Again! - Brief Update. Samarra: Hey dulok,
I do remember you and your situation.....I'm happy to see you back but sorry you seem to be confused.
I agree you should tell the counselor of your concerns....but it would be a better idea to do this apart from your wife....do you have seperate as well as joint sessions?
What you're feeling is perfectly normal...it's going to take some time to deal with the affair and the residual feelings it's caused...this can always be worked out...as long as your conviction to stay together is strong.
Re: Hello! - Back Again! - Brief Update. AmyMarie1972: Hey Dulok,
I have been wondering where you got to. At the end of the day it is only you who can decide what it is that you want. Why do you have these feelings. Is it because of what she did and you cant let go of that, is it because of fear that she could hurt you again.
Talking to your counsellor on their own may help.
You take care of yourself
Amy
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