Re: Let her know ? or be Strong ? fcard05: nmt, i understand where you're coming from about telling her how you feel about her. but think about it this way: 1) doesn't she already know how you feel? no doubt she does, and she will not forget how you feel, so i would just leave it at that. 2) you have to ask yourself what your goal is in this situation. is your goal to simply be heard? or (more than likely) is your goal to ultimately reconcile with her? if your ultimate goal is reconciliation you have to do everything in your power to show her with actions (not tell her) what she will be missing out in life if she decides to go on without you. the only way to show her what she is missing is by you focusing on yourself and showing her that you are fully capable of leading a full and happy life without her. she has made a decision and your first step must now be to introduce some doubt in her mind. unless your girlfriend is different than 90% of the other walk away spouse or significant others, showering her with loving words will only end up pushing her farther away. i know that it goes against every ounce of common sense that we have as men, but trust me from my own experience, you have to start thinking differently if you hope to have any chance with her. i've been separated for 2 months after 10 yrs of marriage and 14 yrs together... my wife knows that i love her, my job now is to change her perception about me and cause her to doubt her feelings that our life together can't be better than the troubled times we've had in the past. the only time i've noticed any change in her is when i started to get my own act together and she saw that i was happy again and fully functional without her. i have started to make her doubt her own conclusions and that's what you have to do as well.
Re: Let her know ? or be Strong ? kuhnga: I have read the same books and have read the same thing here about being strong, think of yourself first etc. I agree it is better than pouring out your heart and begging, but does it actually work?
Yes it may open his/her eyes or she may appear to act different but do they come back? Has anyone here got the x back because of the ways mentioned here? I am doing that route now and it is nice to be civil, but I want hope as well.
Do these books people read with all this advice have stats? and what were the circumstances.
Thanks
Re: Let her know ? or be Strong ? fcard05: kuhnga, when i first started doing things differently i wondered the same thing. i wasn't sure if there was any hope at all, i was skeptical that the methods would work, what's the use i sometimes asked myself. but deep down inside i knew that i had to change, i couldn't continue to be miserable, the pain was almost unbearable. at some point i had to tell myself that my relationship with my wife is over and that my goal now was to build my own life back up. imo, everyone in these types of situations has to assume that their spouse or significant other is gone for good. so then what? do we just give up on life and live forever lamenting our lost love? well, that's not for me, my life is going to be filled with more smiles than a freaking circus. by focusing on ourselves we can't lose. either the other person sees us in a different light and comes back or we simply go on, with a smile on our faces, knowing that we can and will lead better lives.
Re: Let her know ? or be Strong ? Lumpy: [quote author=kuhnga link=topic=18041.msg159696#msg159696 date=1125504480">
I have read the same books and have read the same thing here about being strong, think of yourself first etc. I agree it is better than pouring out your heart and begging, but does it actually work?
[/quote">
If she wants to leave, nothing works. It's not about concocting a strategm to get her back. It's about maintaining some dignity and self-respect. I believe these things to be related to some degree. No-one wants to be with a person who is weak. NoMoreTears, there's nothing wrong with you letting her know how you feel. It's the repeated pleadings, constant nagging, breaking down emotionally, etc that seem weak to me. Tell her once and leave it at that. As Fcard said, I think she has a pretty good idea of how you're feeling. It's not like she can say she didn't know how you felt about it. You described breaking down while on the phone with her. She knows...
Re: Let her know ? or be Strong ? Change4better: fcard is 100% correct on this, i read alot of books as well, My outlook in life is If my x crosses the same path and decides to come back, thats great but if not, I have enought confidence that one day I'll have someone who would love me for me. It's amazing how good you feel when you keep the focus on yourself and change the things you don't like about yourself, I always say, I'm the only one responsible for my Happiness.
Stay strong, and give her space.
Change
