Re: How cold is this? Bubba: What the heck did you file? I know Ontario, all we have to do is get a separation agreement. Wait a year. Apply for the divorce. End of story. Unless of course there is an arguement about custody, alimony, child support, visitations, or division of the assests.
Bubba
Re: How cold is this? jillieb44: In my state you are 'suing for divorce.' But mainly it is division of assets as this is a no-fault state. Fine, I don't want personal crap dragged through the mud (and I'm dating now which would send him over the edge but I'm NOT doing anything in front of the kids and they have NO IDEA I'm seeing someone so it's a moot point...)
The attorneys file the paperwork, then you have to declare your assets -- and then they figure out who gets what.
We decided on custody already (I have primary and it's joint legal custody meaning we both have the right to make legal decisions for them/about them) (and I have it in writing that I'd make the better parent, LOL) and as much as I hate him I know the kids love him and I'd never speak ill of him
(though we sometimes joke about him and he's the butt of our jokes -- like tonight -- he'd not been spending a dime on the kids, for NOTHING, and not paying any support, so the kids would tell me that he wouldn't buy them cereal, or pay $1 sales tax on an item when they had the rest of the $$ they needed for said item, he wouldn't buy them any CDs or games, or even socks...the kids actually asked me if they'd need to spend their allowance on things like presents for their own birthdays and to buy themselves underwear, so who knows WHAT the heck he'd been telling them). So one day I let him have it, that his kids thought he was a cheap bastard, and some of the things they were saying, and he said he was trying to teach them a lesson about money and he shouldn't have to buy them anything they wanted, so I said he was teaching them a lesson all right but not the one he wanted -- that they would stop asking him for stuff cuz they knew he'd say no...so I made him feel really guilty, LOL)
Suddenly ex is buying PS2 games, CDs, etc. So tonight my son says that Dad bought him a new skateboard for his birthday that cost $175, and I laughed and said my evil plot was working .... so they laughed and asked what I meant, and they laughed their heads off when I told them....and I said, shh, don't tell him or he'll stop buying you stuff again...and they cracked up!
Anyway I digress...way off track...
Jillie
Re: How cold is this? alonewith2: Dgiirl, don't stress!! You're just doing what he should have been doing, and there's nothing wrong with that. You have every right to get the ball rolling instead of waiting in limbo while he takes his sweet old time!!
Jillieb44, I can totally understand why the kids were upset. My STBX used to make my son buy his own school lunch with his allowance money because the STBX was either too lazy to make P his lunch or too stingy to hand over the $1.25 out of his money!! However, I do want to caution you about making this a battle between you and the ex over who buys the kids the most things. My parents did that......and I hated it. All of us kids did. We started feeling like they were trying to buy our love, and once again putting us in the middle of their nasty divorce. It's one thing buying the kids what the need, but something totally different when you start buying expensive gifts just to prove something to the other parent......
Re: How cold is this? dgiirl: [quote author=Bubba link=topic=18045.msg160139#msg160139 date=1125543460">
What the heck did you file? I know Ontario, all we have to do is get a separation agreement. Wait a year. Apply for the divorce. End of story. Unless of course there is an arguement about custody, alimony, child support, visitations, or division of the assests.
[/quote">
Bubba, remember this is a different "country" lol :) That's atleast what the drivers license people told me when I moved.
I read the paper, and it looked normal enough for me. It said I wanted a divorce and we havent decided on division of assets. My lawyer told me to sign it, he'll eventually have to respond to this and i'll see you in a year. He also said a bailiff has to hand deliver these papers, and this is the first step in every divorce. Papers HAVE to be filed by one of you. So after the bailiff delieverd the papers, my stbxh gave them to his lawyer and his lawyer told him i was sueing him. So i called my lawyer and asked him "Did i sue him?" He responded, "That's a funny way of putting it. I would say you filed for divorce, but yeah in a way you sued him. You sued him for your own money". This is after the first 2 months of my stbxh hounding me to settle w/o any lawyers, followed by me seeing a lawyer "behind my husbands back" and then 3 months of my stbxh sitting on his butt doing nothing towards settling, coming up with an excuse every single week and promising the following week he'll have a draft for me.
So I dont know what the hell I signed, but I think it's called karma :)
[quote author=alonewith2 (s-n-b) link=topic=18045.msg160188#msg160188 date=1125574011">
Dgiirl, don't stress!! You're just doing what he should have been doing, and there's nothing wrong with that. You have every right to get the ball rolling instead of waiting in limbo while he takes his sweet old time!!
[/quote">
Thanks hun :) That's the story of my marriage. Waiting in limbo and any time I take initiative, my stbxh guilt tripping me saying i did things wrong.
Re: How cold is this? jillieb44: Alone, I agree it's not about who buys them the most stuff.
The ex was bemoaning the fact that he had NO MONEY to the kids, wouldn't let them run the air conditioners in their rooms, would make them turn off their computers while they ate a sandwich, I mean he REALLY went overboard with pleading poverty and not spending money.
Part of it was I got a new job and now had some money. So I think he just thought that I'd pay for everything related to the kids while he paid no child support, bought minimal groceries while the kids were over there (still does that) and didn't buy them anything.
Thing is, the ex makes nearly 6 figures, so this whole poverty thing doesn't wash.
I buy what my kids need (clothes, school supplies, toys and games, food, personal hygiene products). My daughter took a shower at the ex's yesterday and there was no conditioner. They spent the weekend there and there was not much food -- they ate out for dinner but the rest of the time there wasn't much -- no milk for cereal, etc. It's been a huge pattern.
So yeah, I did make him feel guilty about not buying the kids stuff, especially since he's not paying child support. I have been buying them more than usual only because we are the ones who moved out and we left all their stuff behind -- the ex wouldn't let them take one of their computers etc, I didn't have a stereo so I bought my son a boom box, stuff like that so that their house here with me is their home...
I try hard not to talk about the ex at all unless they bring him up, but somedays he makes me so angry...even then I try not to badmouth him... Fortunately the kids are smart and see him for who he is now and I don't have to say a word.
Jillie
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