To leave, or make her go?? Chris101: The basics of my story: GF of 11 years and two kids had an affair with a girl, she continues to see her daily as a so called "friend". She doesn't really have feelings for me anymore but gets upset when we talk about seperating.
I was planning on moving out but this week I've starting thinking seriously of making her leave. Financially she will barely be able to afford the house even with me contining to pay most of the major bills(more then I need to). I can provide so much more for the kids if she left and I stayed. I forgive her and am willing to make things work but she is not. I'm I wrong to think that she should be the one to start over not me? She is the one that had the affair why should I have to give up my house and everything that I've known for over 11 years.
What does everyone think?
Re: To leave, or make her go?? sigkapgirl: I think you should stay. Your concern should be your children, and if you'll be able to support them better if you stay in the house, then go for it. Besides, she was the one who was in the wrong, not you.
Re: To leave, or make her go?? Kat0628: I think...especially if it will be you who will have custody of the kids...
I think she should move out... she's the one who f**ked up
I don't think you should be supporting her in any way…
She made her choice…let her deal with it…she can find another place to live…
A place where she can afford to pay her own bills instead of sucking money out of you..
Sorry if this sounds cold…but that’s what I think….(I’m a little bitter about things right now)
Re: To leave, or make her go?? Failedjedi: Read the book
"Tough Love"
It will Help alot.
Re: To leave, or make her go?? DOK: The biggest mistake I made, logistically speaking, was to leave the house when she asked me to - - if I had it to do over again, I would have asked her to leave, helped her get set up in an apartment, etc., etc. That would have made it so much easier to deal with the kids and custody and such.
As it was, even though she promised that:
"I will never do anything to hurt your relationship with the kids, or try to replace you with 'OM' as their father, or try to destroy you financially . . . "
Needless to say, $50,000 later in attorney fees, I get to see my kids pretty much as often as they and I are able to work out. I know if I would have stayed in the marital home, I probably could have kept custody of the kids, and then we wouldn't have had to go to court over and over and over to fulfill whatever screwed-up malfunction my ex needed to resolve to feel better about porking her dad's best friend. It was almost like she needed to show the world what a horrible a$$hole I was, so that she could assuage her own guilt for making such a royal fark-up of everyone's lives.
(And yes, if I had full custody, she would have been able to see the kids as often as she wanted.)
Whatever . . .
Don't make that ridiculous mistake like I did, no matter how crappy you feel emotionally, think of yourself and your kids 5 years down the road, and start planning for that eventuality now.
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