Re: Sweet ... or psycho? mydarkdreams: I don;t think it is psycho - possibly a little excessive.. sounds to me that he really is in love with you and aches when you aren't there. He doesn't know how to handle that.. it's just a matter of if YOU can deal with it.. it is YOUR feelings here, not anyone elses.
Re: Sweet ... or psycho? Smiley17: LG - I'm chimming in late here, but a guy who cries more than I do, turns me off in a MAJOR way!
I can't handle a guy who cries while I'm dating him, but that's just me. I don't mean crying at funerals or stuff like that, but I like my guy to show that he's strong, mainly because I am, so I want someone who's just as strong, if not more than I am.
Some women want a man who cries, I don't.
My Gas Guy doesn't cry, unless it's a funerl or something of the sort. He can be "The Rock" in the relationship. I am for the most part, unless I have PMS. I look for more of a balance. Someone who compliments me, rather than mimics me. Maybe this is the same for you?
In any event, he probably shouldn't have cried like that in front of you, just like I don't think you'd do that in front of him.
Just my point of view.
Re: Sweet ... or psycho? Lumpy: Dear LG,
Sounds like he's in a little deeper than you are at this point. What's his recent relationship history like? Divorced? Dumped recently? Have you talked to him yet about his crying jag? Express yourself to him. Maybe he can help you understand how he feels and why.
Re: Sweet ... or psycho? dgiirl: [quote author=Lumpy link=topic=18070.msg159772#msg159772 date=1125510147">
Dear LG,
Sounds like he's in a little deeper than you are at this point. What's his recent relationship history like? Divorced? Dumped recently? Have you talked to him yet about his crying jag? Express yourself to him. Maybe he can help you understand how he feels and why.
[/quote">
Damnit i was going to ask that :)
Context is everything. And I dont think this is gender based. If a woman started crying after two weeks of dating a guy, the guy would think she's needy or psycho. It's cool to cry, but it has to be in the right context and both of you have to be in similar emotional states where the crying makes sense. If you guys are not at the same emotional stage in the relationship, becareful. He might become needy/obsessive.
Re: Sweet ... or psycho? Beren: I'm with Bubba on this one. Not only is there a double standard between men and women, but there's a double standard for the same man at two different times. When it suits them, women want men to be emotionally accessible. The rest of the time, they want men to turn their feelings off. I don't think they'd call it "turning their feelings off," because that sounds terrible. The usual ephemism is called "being a man." The usual consequence is higher stress-related illness and early death.
It is now 2005. Many of the physical differences between men and women have become irrelevant because most of the labor we do is with our minds instead of our backs. For most purposes, men and women are the same "size" now. There really shouldn't be any reason why there can't be relationships where men get emotional and cry over trivial things, where women buy men flowers, where men ask if a particular pair of pants make his ass look big, where women open doors and pull out chairs for men, and so on. But most women would be repulsed by such a thought. Heck, so would most men, I suppose.
I don't know what the solution is. I suspect that too many women think it's a walk in the park to be a man. Women are remarkably good at getting their own side across (and yes, that is a positive trait, I'm not disparaging it), and a good number of men try vigilantly to balance these inequities. I just don't see the reverse happening very much out there. Men don't complain as much, and women still see men too much as being "powerful" and therefore don't need defense and protection.
I have to get back to work pretty quick, and I'm not sure if I've explained what's on my mind very well. I guess maybe I'll throw out a couple analogies. (1) The image of the "strong, silent type" of man is as artificial as an airbrushed nude photo of a woman in Playboy magazine. Women who expect men to be like this are as likely to be disappointed with real men (I mean "real men" as "men who really exist," not "men who live up to women's ideals of men" (2) Men who are too fixated on trying to live up to women's ideals are quite often broken on the inside the same way that women who are fixated on being beautiful. Those who actually succeed in being close to ideal are often as shallow as beautiful women can be.
Just my thoughts on the issue. This isn't a personal slam on LettinGo or any other women here. (Rather, it's a slam on ALL women EQUALLY! GRrrrrr! >:( j/k!)
Beren
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