Re: Dating while sep. STBX cant handle yet - could I have found love? mydarkdreams: possibly guilt....?
I would tell him and that way he doesnt find out from someone else - be kind, but be firm. Do NOT tell him all of the details, he may want to hurt himself with the information. Just tell him the basics, he doesn't need to know it *all* IMO.
Re: Dating while sep. STBX cant handle yet - could I have found love? jason_stl: Were you the one that left him, or did he leave you? It makes a big difference in the delivery.
If you left him and you suddenly found a new love, then expect to be called out on it. Rightly so from his point of view and it doesn't matter if this was or was not your intent. Who wouldn't feel hurt in a situation like that?
If he left you then he really has no reason to be upset.
Re: Dating while sep. STBX cant handle yet - could I have found love? Tegannewt: We had an interesting night last night. First a little history - though we call it mutual - he had tried to separate 3 times before we actually called it quits. I was the one holding on throwing our vows in his face. We were not happy and when I realized that, the next time he brought it up - I didnt argue, didnt come up with a solution, or plans to work it out - I let it go. Now he cant. We do talk - and he knows I am a terrible liar. So when he asked about dating and I offered info - it was like he already knew.
It was a great releaf for me to tell him about Kevin, how we met, and where he lives - but that was all he could take before he changed the subject to us and how if we did this or that - or why ...... You know - there were nights I was up crying because of the weight on my shoulders on how it was all my fault the marriage wasnt working and the stress of trying to make it better - and he does this to me now! I still love him but the bridge is crossed and he will not let go. He says I am stomping on his heart - I feel like he is always sweeping his heart under my feet.
Kevin, by some miracle, has stood by me and we have been so emotionally intimate and trusting. On all levels we have been building our foundation and growing as a couple. We talk about our future and while he has been through a divorce the total separation has left him a little shy of understanding on the responsabilities that I still feel toward my stbx. I dont want to explain this to him over and over but he has listened - and has tried to weave his experiances into wanted advice - but I dont feel satisfied.
I have great loss for my stbx - and confidance and hope with Kevin
Torn....
Re: Dating while sep. STBX cant handle yet - could I have found love? Emo: Wow, my situation was so similar... though thank god it was not a divorce with a kid involved, just good old fashioned heartbreaking loss of my first love. We were so in to each other and I was very content but he sometimes had doubts and had broken up with me twice before... once for a month and once just for a day but I had always been so sad and not wanting to split and we always got back together.... this time it was even more intense and he really distanced himself from me and for a whole month I just wanted him back so so so bad but he wasn't done having "space" yet and was really pretty much ok with everything but I was in agony, so after a month I gave up because it hurt too much to hold on and I started to move on and met someone else.... well, my ex was away on vacation for a while and then came back and said "ok, I want to see if maybe we can get back together now" and I was like.... "sorry, I am with someone else now and he treats me so much better and is at the same place as I am in all this relationship stuff and he really cares about me and doesn't bully me like you did, etc" and all of a sudden he is devistated and depressed and now I am the one doing the mean hurtful stuff in this situation in his mind... when all I did was move on because my boyfriend dumped me.... strange how that works......
