Re: I think I'm falling out of love with my exwife. ChristyM: [quote"> I think as guys we are stubborn and sort of hold out hope we can "fix" things or solve the "problem'[/quote">
And here I thought this was a woman thing ... :)
Yes Blazin', it is a great feeling to realize your emotions aren't tethered to them anymore. But in a lot of ways, it's a sad realization too.
Christy
Re: I think I'm falling out of love with my exwife. microtech1: Congrats blazin! I agree with just about everything that has been said. It happens at different times for all of us but when it does it is such a release. Good luck from here on out it only gets better from now on!
Re: I think I'm falling out of love with my exwife. Spectrum: Yeah, it's kind of weird when that realization hits you.
I knew in January of 04 that divorce was inevitable if I was ever going to be happy. I'd say it was probably October of 04 before the last major emotional ties broke off.
What's weird is that while my ex has been with his OW this whole time and is probably now engaged to her (well, in May he was talking about asking her, so I'm assuming...) I know that he is still holding on.
I think there is definitely something to be said for being single and working out your own issues for a while before jumping into a new relationship. You might stop hurting and feel some sort of happiness, but you never get down and dirty and deal with *yourself* that way.
I don't know if congrats are in order, blazin'heart, but good for you for being able to move on in some way, shape or form.
Spectrum.
Re: I think I'm falling out of love with my exwife. Beren: I think I know what you're feeling. For me, it felt kind of like going through the procedure in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," except in slow motion. I loved my ex-wife dearly. I knew it, she knew it, everyone who saw us together for more than a half a second could see it. But she didn't want me any more. There were hints and indications that something was going on in her mind, but no warnings I could respond to, until she just told me straight that she just didn't love me any more.
Every memory gets marked after that. What you don't realize right away is that they're getting marked for elimination. She got me this t-shirt in Toronto. We spent six hours shopping for this dining room table. Here's a birthday card in which she called me "the love of her life."
It isn't quite like the movie. The facts themselves don't disappear. It's more like the emotion bleeds out of it like a poor quality dye. Everyone wishes for unconditional, or at least near-unconditional love, but we realize that love needs love to survive, and our love just couldn't survive not being loved back for very long.
I went out with my ex last week for the first time in many, many months. Seeing her face made me smile, genuinely. I remember this woman. I spent many years of my life with this woman. But the "color" was gone. I wanted to put a little spit on a napkin and wipe her face to see if the grey would come off. But, even as colorless as she was, I still smiled at her because she reminded me of someone I once loved.
Lots of mixed feelings, still. It's like visiting my marriage's grave. There's a tinge of guilt for having gone on without her. How important could she have been if I am so able to go on without her? I *know* I loved her, I **KNOW** I loved her, but I can't seem to find the feeling any more.
It really is a lot like a death. You go on and you get over it in time, but you never really think back and decide that you're *happy* they died. If loving them made you a better person, not loving them undeniably leaves you worse.
But, I'm rambling now. I just thought I'd share my thoughts on it and see if it was anything you can relate to. Falling out of love just isn't as thrilling as falling in love, is it?
Beren
Re: I think I'm falling out of love with my exwife. turning leaf: [quote author=Spectrum link=topic=18096.msg160277#msg160277 date=1125586433">
I think there is definitely something to be said for being single and working out your own issues for a while before jumping into a new relationship. You might stop hurting and feel some sort of happiness, but you never get down and dirty and deal with *yourself* that way.
[/quote">
Couldn't have said it any better.
This thread makes me sad. It's totally a home-run in more ways than one.
Congrats blazin!
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