2 weeks today since "d" day... PickingUpThePieces: So today it is 2 weeks since my husband left, one since he returned. He left and I found out he was living with an old girlfriend from high school and her mother. His reasoning for everything is that he lost his identity and when he went back to his hometown to be with friends he realized that's where he belongs. He saw the old girlfriend online first and then at the local bar and it was "like time had never stopped". He said they "lived a lifetime in a month and a half" and they were the couple everyone talked about. From what he said, it seemed as though he had unresolved feelings for her and needed "closure". Then I got an email last Fri. he was moving himself and his things back to the house. A few days later he started talking of reconciliation, are we really beyond repair, and bringing up issues which are so small (never went out together, feels comfortable with me but not my family). This is addition to having angry outbursts where he would curse at me and put me down and sometimes throw and breat things, and also putting thousands of dollars of debt on my credit cards to have electronic toys. Of course, I came to the decision I don't want to continue to be hurt by him, so no reconciliation. So we've been living as roommates for the past week which is awkward as hell. He's been looking into apartments and fixing up the house to sell it.
The thing that hurts is that last night I went out with my girl friends and when I came home saw he was online, his name said "view my webcam" after it. As soon as I logged on, he logged off. I also checked and saw he has updated a personal ad (oh yeah he put one online several months ago and claimed it was to meet people to go to concerts with, later came out and said he was "bored" but never cheated on me and never would have done anything with it) and has started a list of friends. It makes me so angry but underneath that I am hurt. We are separated two weeks, neither has filed for divorce yet, and he's already trolling online while I am still in the same house?!
I know I should probably stop looking at his ad online or wondering what he's doing. At this point, it doesn't matter anymore...we are getting divorced. But I almost can't control myself, like I have to do it and find out what he's up to...*sigh* I think I'd like off this rollercoaster now...
Re: 2 weeks today since "d" day... manda: The good news about your frame of mind is that you seem to "know" that you have to make a clean break from this man. Your logic and good sense is intact.
Unfortunately, your emotional side is (like mine) not wanting to accept it all. I understand what you are going through. I see myself in your post but I wish I was as strong as you are and could admit that reconciliation is a bad idea.
The other positive I see is that you have girlfriends to do things with. That is good. Stay busy.
I'm sorry you are having a bad time right now.
Re: 2 weeks today since "d" day... BigRunner493: putp....
i can't begin to understand what it's like living together but only as roomates...must be very difficult. i've read many posts by ojarians that are doing or did the same thing. none of them had an easy time of it. i think though, that you need to put a time limit on this living situation, so at least you know that eventually it will be different. as far as his actions since separated, more than likely it's the way he would have been regardless. besides the online stuff, the fact that he put you down, showed physical anger toward you and had no respect for your financial situation, should be enough to tell you what kind of person he is and more than likely will always be.
i think you need to take positive steps in the separation/divorce process. the sooner you get yourself into a more positive emotional, mental atmosphere the better.
good luck and take care,
br
Re: 2 weeks today since "d" day... PickingUpThePieces: Yes...tomorrow I'm going to start the process and call lawyers. I just want it to be over with and move on with my life...
Re: 2 weeks today since "d" day... bflamini: here here.
there's a lot to be said for KNOWING you want it over and wanting to move on with your life.
what im getting stuck on, is that all the other people in my life cant get to that point..........so im left to wait for them to catch up. sigh...i hope that happens some time soon.
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