Am I ready? jem: Hi Ojar- I need some advice. I am supposed to go out on my first date since my divorce tonight. This past week has been sooo emotional and stressful because of everything going on in the world and because of my grandparents' death, starting back to school, starting a new contigent job, etc. Last night things came to a head when my mom asked me to go to a wedding in her place because she is in another state dealing with the death of her parents. I told her I had other plans, and she sounded dissapointed. I felt bad, called her back and told her I was excited about my date but would go to the wedding if that was what she needed me to do for her right now. She tried to make it clear to me that she would much rather have me go on this date, that the wedding idea was just something she thought I would enjoy. But after I got off the phone, I still wondered what I should do. I think everything just hit me last night and I was really upset. And to boot, I had a dream about the x last night.
Does this mean I'm not ready? I mean, should I just tell this guy to hold off right now because of everything that is going on? Or am I copping out because I'm nervous and scared (which I am). Are all of these things that are happening in my life coincindental, or should I be listening to them tell me to wait until things are less clouded?
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
Jem
Re: Am I ready? Smiley17: Hey Jem,
It sounds like you're under a lot of stress right now, so I think what you should do is think about where you are in terms of dating. Since this is your first one, I can totally understand how you'd be nervous about it.
I don't really know your story, but I think that you having a dream about your ex is your mind's way of dealing with it. I know it can freak you out. If you're that uncomfortable, and you have too much going on, why don't you take a night out with your friends instead? At least you can get out and do something a little different without the pressure of dating.
Right now you have a lot going on, and that stress might not allow you to enjoy your time on this date. Maybe you can all go out and possibly invite him to go along? It'll be less stress and pressure, and will be a more relaxed atmosphere, and might allow you to get to know him better too.
If I were in your shoes with all of this stress, actually, I was kind of in your shoes about 2 years ago, I'd go out with my friends and have a relaxed but fun night. It might be better for you.
No matter what you decide, try to keep the mood light, for you.
HUGS!!!
-Smiley
Re: Am I ready? jem: Thanks Smiley- I know what you are saying. It has been 7 months since my life on my own started, 3 months since the official divorce. I was left my my cheating xh, and I was very hurt but have done a lot of work on myself and healing. A couple weeks ago before all this other stuff happened, I thought I was ready to try some totally casual dating, not ready for a relationship yet. So, this guy happened to come along right around that time, and it felt right, so I agreed to go out with him. Now all this stuff happened this week, and I feel so stressed out. Part of me thinks a night out with him might be fun and a good distraction from the stress (he is a nice, funny guy, easy to talk to) and part of me is feeling guilty for wanting that I think. Why do I psychoanalyze everything??!!
Re: Am I ready? Smiley17: Not a problem, Girl!
I was just like you are at one time, and thought that dating would help, but it distracted me from the inner damage that I needed to fix. Casual dating is ok, but it can also make us girls feel weird too, so I guess it's all in how you really feel.
Maybe you can explain to him that you'd like to go out with him, but keep it friendly with no pressure for anything else.
Luckily, guys are more understanding about these situations than we are sometimes. We're pretty emotional creatures who tend to analyze everything! I know I do!! ;)
In any event, take things nice and slow, and day by day. You'll get through this, and get stronger in time. Just try not to rush it or do things that you're not totally comfortable with.
Keep posting here too. That'll help sort out your feelings as well.
Re: Am I ready? BabygirlM: just to add my experience here....i went on date #2 last night with the same guy. he REALLY likes me....and i now know i am 100% not ready. if this is a casual date as you say, then you could go out and have fun....but if he has feelings for you at all. dont go....it will only make it more stressful for you to try to break things off a bit when you feel you arent ready...and might hurt his heart a bit.
just my experience...now i gotta get rid of this guy, hes sooo nice....but i feel nothing and am NOT ready.
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