Re: the shattering of my very being... waywardsoul: thank you onemist...
i have already told her EXACTLY that. if this indeed happened so long ago, she probably could have never told and gone on living life. as a matter of fact, she says she called a few counselors and they ALL told her to keep her mouth shut...that it "wouldnt do the marriage any good".
part of me wishes she hadnt...
Re: the shattering of my very being... helpmehelphim: part of me wishes she hadnt...
wayward,
I am sorry again that you are in this situation...my h feels the same way, feels that I dumped my garbage onto him to deal with. Now I just have to worry what he's gonna do about it. Of course, it really didn't relieve that much of a burden for me, in fact, I am much worse off now, but then hindsight is 20/20.
how are you doing in dealing with it? I know it's still really new for you, I expect not too well. Hugs to you. Are you still living together?
helpmehelphim
Re: the shattering of my very being... waywardsoul: ok all, update...
so, ive always told her if she ever cheated, i would leave immediately (we have both said that, as a matter of fact). come to find out that she had already contacted her attorney in case i did indeed leave. they practically had divorce papers drawn up with account numbers, life insurance policies, auto vin numbers, and bank accounts divided up between us.
she wants to get seperate places, to "figure out" her life. her reasoning is she feels she has to lose me in order to get us back. her confusion appears to come from the fact that i didnt leave. she thinks time alone will magically clarify things for her, i say that a seperation is a nice way of saying "its over".
she is afraid to "jump back in" becasue she feels i will realize in a month or two that i dont want her anymore because of what she did, and she dosent want to be hurt again.
...can anyone shed some light on this???
Re: the shattering of my very being... waywardsoul: well i must say, after reading some other stories on here (like KdUb's) im beginning to wonder if she has a boyfriend, her actions sure seem to point in that direction...
Re: the shattering of my very being... helpmehelphim: wayward,
well, it seems our lives are starting to spin in different directions, in a way. My H has talked about separation, but has nowhere to go, without spending a lot of money, so he hasn't left. The past few days have included lots of talk about divorce. He says he sat down and wrote up a list dividing assets. But then put it away because he'd changed his mind, then yesterday was on that track again. Asked me what I wanted. I told him I want him to give it a little more time and refused to enter the discussion of dividing assets. (I figured if he is THAT set on that course of action, he'll go to a lawyer).
After that last night, things smoothed out and went ok, and he was still ok when he left for work this morning. Who knows what tonite will bring. I set up an appt to go to counseling (just me, of course) for yesterday, but they were running behind so I used that as an excuse to bail since I was on lunch break from work. Can you say chicken!? I don't know if I am ready for counseling. Guess I am afraid they are going to tell me it doesn't look like this will work out and I should prepare to move on....
Now for your situation, I can see where it sounds to you like she has already left and is trying to let you down easy...I hope that is not the case, after deceiving you and having the affair, to continue to deceive you now would be very cruel. Sorry, to be so blunt, but I am so emotional right now.
You didn't say, where are you with this? Are you leaning more towards "I can get over this" or "I can't" ? My H keeps saying he just doesn't think he will be able to get past it. I try to reassure him it will get easier with time. Since he will not talk to anybody, or research this at all, he has no idea how long recovery takes, and actually berates me for doing so much research. Says a person just needs to figure this stuff on out their own.
And by the way, "she" doesn't want to be hurt again?!?!? I realize that her actions probably were not the only ones that put your relationship in jeopardy, it takes two to make or break a marriage, but this statement just sounds sooo selfish to me. You think her confusion stems from you not following through on what you'd always said and did not leave. She should be thankful for this. I told my H the same thing in the beginning of our relationship, and I felt that way too. But as the years pass, and you see other people go through these situations, you realize there is more to it, it's not that black and white. Especially when there are intertwined finances, years of good and bad together, and especially kids involved. This is where I had come to realize that if it happened to me, I would have to look at the big picture, not only my hurt feelings and pride. And then look at what I did! If only the situation were reversed.
drop me a line, pm me if you want to let me know how you are...hugs to you my friend... ;)
