Give up hope and date? Ilosther: Ok, so now that's I'm separated, for like a month now (at least officially, more like 3 months when it really ended), does the beginning of getting out there and dating again mean I've given up hope that things will still work out with my wife?
Say I meet someone new, who's just an incredible, kind, intelligent, beautiful woman, say we hang out, and have a great time, does it mean I'm trying to be the one to end the marriage? I mean, we're not divorced yet, but my wife has always said she just doesnt see how it could ever still work out between us. I mean, that's a pretty big statement to make, hard to come back from that, or is it?
I'm a little confused here, bc I have met someone who I've had a great time with, but even she knows this breakup is still fresh and that anything could happen (reconcile, divorce). It also makes me a little depressed, the happier I get with this new person, the sadder I become thinking my old life is now ending, and it's even harder bc I still am great friends with my wife. I'm not tryin to lead this person on, I just want to be happy again. It's funny, before I met this person, I've realized I cannot control the timing and occurrences of events, things will happen for a reason at the time they are suppose to. It's just a matter of me being able to handle them. But this one, I dont know how to handle yet.
ughh, why is finding happiness again so confusing? I dont even know if this post made any sense
Re: Give up hope and date? Smiley17: Whoa!
Ok, this could turn into another debate, but you haven't been separated that long, and I know that you still love your wife (stbx?), so dating right now is not the best idea, in my opinion.
"The best way to get over someone is by finding someone else." Ok, I HATE that advice! In my mind, it's the best way to cause another heartbreak if you're not over your ex. Sure, you can casually date, but that gets tricky if the person you're casually dating is really into you.
Just tread really carefully here, and don't forget that you have another life and another heart in your hands. It's best not to date until you're close to being over your stbx. I'd give it a little more time for your own heart to heal.
Try going out with friends instead. It's healthier for you, and will give you plenty of opportunities to build your confidence up.
Lots of luck!!!
-Smiley
Re: Give up hope and date? dgiirl: I agree with Smiley girl. I'm not sure of 3 months is long enough. Based on my own experience, I was a nutjob. I still am not really 100% over my ex after 7 months. :)
Did you meet this girl? Or has she always been a friend, and something new is developing? If you just met this girl, I would recommend letting her go for 6 months or so. It's not that long, and if it's meant to be, it'll happen. If she's always been a friend, keep her as a friend and dont move too fast. If she's a good friend, she'll appreciate what you're going through and be patient.
Right now, you need some alone time to get familiar with who you are again. When we get into relationships, we tend to merge ourselves into one identity. You take on some of your ex's good and BAD traits, and you need to purge yourself of those bad habbits. For myself, I noticed I've taken on a lot of my ex's bad habbits, it's not me, and now i'm realizing who I was before I met him, and I'm starting to like myself again.
Re: Give up hope and date? Smiley17: dgiirl's right.
Plus, if you get involved in something that feels fun, it makes you forget and surpress the damage that's been caused, and you never really deal with it. Eventually, the damage comes to a head, and it'll be at the worst time.
Gotta fix that damage first!
Re: Give up hope and date? Ilosther: Thanks for all your advice, I'm not discrediting any of it. And I am taking everything with caution. I would like to take everything slowly. And like I said, I wasn't out to find someone else to move on. I was and am always looking for new friendships, and she has very similar experiences. RIght now it's just a friendship.
I know all this is new to me, living on my own, being a single parent, all of it. But for the most part I've been doing well. I'm really being myself again, having fun with friends, and at the same time trying to just improve myself, for myself. Yes, I still depressed and sad at times about my marriage ending, or so it looks, but I just have to move forward.
Is it possible, to be friends with my wife, and still find someone else? Has anyone done that? Am I being stupid to think I can still be friends with her? I'd like to be. I mean, she's even talked about me finding someone else, but back then, and still a little now, I never thought I would look for someone else.
I dunno, take it slow, take care of myself, and be honest with myself and everyone around me. I would never want to hurt someone else, even my wife.
geez, i'm confused, but I'm still moving forward.
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