Re: Happier Alone Gabbi: Many thanks for your great responses. It's just so incredibly nice to know that there are such fabulous people our there willing to donate their time to helping others. You guys are ace.
While l haven't decided to leave yet, I am mentally preparing myself. Also, I've made the decision to stop trying to get pregnant. After reading the many sad posts on this site about breakups between couples with kids, I just couldn't bear the thought of having my child involved in this hurt. Those who go through a breakup with kids and come out smiling are amazing!
Re: Happier Alone dgiirl: Oh please do not add a child into this. People often think that things will get better if they get married, or if they buy a house, or if they have a child. It's not true. I'm happy to hear that you wont do that :)
Re: Happier Alone OneMist8k: A child! :o
If you have a child with this guy, you will have to deal with him the rest of your life. If you get out now, you can make a much cleaner breakaway. I'm with dgiirl - Having a child now will only make everyone more unhappy.
Someone gave me a bit of great advice when I was wrestling with a problem with my girlfriend. It wasn't even advice, but it was so good:
So, what needs to change for the relationship to work?
That's it. That's all the advice, but it was a gem. Ask yourself that, and everything starts to fall into place.
Re: Happier Alone in_search_of: [quote"> So, what needs to change for the relationship to work?[/quote">
An excellent question for determining if you can make it work or not. And it should be followed, at least in my mind with, are these changes that I can ask my S/O in good conscience to make? Or would I be asking them to change the very essence of their being?
It does not sound like you are particularly happy with the situation that you are in, and that you are preparing for the fact that it might be over. I can understand that. I went through all this in the middle of my first year of law school. not the best time for it really. Things will be okay. And the only thing I can say is that you have to fight and fight and fight for your marriage until you know it's not going to work. Until it hits you like a ton of bricks (and that is exactly what it will feel like if you are anything like me) that no matter what happens, no matter what changes, no matter how you try to work things out, it will never make you happy, and it would not be fair to ask him to do the things that you need.
Re: Happier Alone Gabbi: Since my first post, I told H that I am not happy and we had a *small* chat about that. Since then I detect that he has withdrawn from me a bit. Not sure if that means anything, or whether he just wants to lay low until I get back to my normal cheery self. Anyway, just a few hours ago I found something that has really unsettled me, and, to avoid analysing it to death, thought I would throw it to you guys to see what you think I should do.
I preface this by telling you that I am a firm beleiver in that old adage "what I dont know won't hurt me", so I avoid even reading the return addresses on mail let alone snooping through personal stuff. But this morning I had to retrieve an email attachment from H's computer (we do not share a computer at home, and, while his is not password protected, he would have had no notion I would be looking at his emails today), and came across an email sent in the last week from an ex-girlfriend. Sure, I didn't have to open it and if things felt "normal" between us I wouldn't have, but I did. She is one of the few ex-girlfriends he is not in regular contact with. In it he aplogises for neglecting to keep in touch, and mentions that he "met a girl last year, got serious by new year's and married in June." He goes on to say how the "hardest thing is living under one roof". He then describes me in the following way: "She's a lawyer (corporate), very independent and headstrong." He finishes by suggesting they get together for lunch soon. The awful thing is that when it was written, we were having a great week (relationship-wise) together.
I don't know whether I should more upset about the fact he apparently has nothing complimentary to say about me, or that he is even contacting her.....
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