Re: help on what to do after my spouse has cheated elijah13: don't ever allow how you value yourself as a woman to be contingent upon having a man in your life. If you have done all you can, and his thanks to you is to cheat with another woman...........take it for what it's worth, had that other woman not decided to stay with her boyfriend, he would have kicked you in the seat for good. Don't ever "SETTLE" ever, you deserve to be happy 100% do not stay with someone who is only willing to give what is left over after he gives himself to someone else.
I went through the worst of the worst, I was in the dark for 10 years, and all he did was cheat (young girls, older women, pornography etc) I also had two kids from a first marriage and one with him, and I must tell you the feeling isn't good.......but men like this don't change, if you forgive him it will give him the green light to do it again, because he knows you'll forgive him again. I know it hurts like hell now, but you need to restore your love for "YOURSELF" and be happy with your children.
If you have boys, they will pick up on their fathers behavior and think it's normal to treat women like that
If you have girls, they will grow to believe that behavior is normal, and when a man does it to them, they will be in your shoes.
Life is a circle break the chain and don't settle for anything less than the best
Re: help on what to do after my spouse has cheated edgecombe: Being sheltered or isolated from friends, family, and work is probably a big part of the problem. It works for him because it keeps you dependent on him. However, you need an outlet after being at home with 3 kids. If you aren't ready right now to make a decision regarding the future of the marriage, perhaps you can work on becoming less isolated. Maybe through the parent's of your children's friends or some kind of support group. That might make you less depressed and give you the strength to know you don't need him.
Re: help on what to do after my spouse has cheated polynesianpop: Lostandsad,
Your story sounds almost identical to mine. Married 8 1/2 years, together for 10 years (this month), have 2 kids. Wife cheated on me too. She had an affair with somenone at work (a VP no less) since the beginning of the year and it devastated me. She said the exact same thing to me too - she loves me but is no longer in love with me. I'm still feeling a lot of pain and have serious trust and esteem issues right now. What helps for me is the support of friends and regular IC. If you are isolated from friends, make new ones. There's plenty here at Ojar. You can PM me too -- I'll be your friend.
I know its hard right now -- it still is for me. But finding others in my situation has helped me out a lot. The one underlying thing I've heard time and time again by former BS's is that Karma always finds its way around to the WS. I saw survivinginfidelity.com referenced in this thread and it does provide a little insight as to what the WS was thinking and feeling when they betrayed us. That perspective helps a little bit but it doesn't take the pain away.
Please know that you are not alone as I'm still suffering through this pain as well. If I can offer any support at all, please please please PM me. I'll tell you what I'm doing to get through this very difficult time in my life.
Most importantly, don't hurt yourself -- your kids need you now more than ever.
Re: help on what to do after my spouse has cheated t_b: Hi,
I am sorry that this has happened to you. You have many people here who are here to help you.
My marriage ended through my wife's adultery and I know the depth of hurt that such betrayal brings.
The shock of the centre of my world leaving me for someone she hardly knew, led me to attempt suicide and 18 months on although I still struggle with my self esteem and have phases of depression I am thankful that my very serious effort to end my life failed. My wife said the most hurtful things possible to me when she ended our marriage so I know what a huge blow it is to love someone and have them tell you that they no longer love you in that way, when you have shared so much together.
Whatever choices you make be good to yourself. Remember that you can't be responsible for other people's choices and that those choices shouldn't reflect on your self belief. I know that is terribly difficult to accept. I struggle with this every day.
Surround yourself with people who will be there to support you (eg. the people on this site).
Take care.
