someone is looking after me browngreen: Some of you know that there's a man in my life lately whom I appreciate more than I can say.
If all i cared about was being treated like a queen, I'd be in love with him already.
What does it say about me that I'm not falling for this guy?
Am I just not ready? Or am I just so totally unavailable emotionally that I don't care to have any sort of romance again.
If I were smart, I'd fall in love with this man, and go from there. But I think about that, and I go numb.
I feel able to move on. I feel over my XH. The divorce was final 9/15 (filed 8/30-- super fast divorce, huh?)
I know I still have some stuff to work on, and I can tell it would be easier to work on them in a new relatioship because I might find that the things I'm thinking I have to work on aren't necessary at all because they were particular to how I was in my M, and not really particular to who I am as an individual.
I worked until 9 PM last night, and I called this man to ask if he'd be a reference for me on a place to live, and he said sure, and then he also said "I made some spaghetti sauce and cooked some noodles. You wnt me to bring you some at work?"
I was like "Sure!"
He showed up with a big dish of pasta, and another dish with salad and bread. He made his own dressing. He made his own sauce.
Said the pot just got fuller and fuller, and he ended up with the surplus he shared with me. While he was delivering it to me at work, my son called and said he burnt his dinner.... and my friend said "You want me to take him some spaghetti?"
And he didn't do any of this with an ere about being Mr i-saved-the-day like my X would have done. No ego at all. More like "hey,. I'm bored and made too much sause. Migt as well put it, and myself, to use"
He didn't say that, but just the feeling I got. Like it was no thing for him to drive up to see me at work, drive back home, and drive to my house to feed my son.
He asked nothing in return and always just seems happy to know I'm thinking of him. He knows I'm coming out of an ugly marriage, and he is older, and a patient person (teaches high school-- must have the nerves of a saint).
What can you do when you know you ahve the quality you deserve but aren't there to accept it? I feel like I have the chance at this really incredible gift, but can't untie the bow.
BG
Re: someone is looking after me justmenow: [quote"> The divorce was final 9/15 (filed 8/30-- super fast divorce, huh?)
[/quote">
Wow...that is soon! Give yourself a break, huh? How long have you been dating this guy?
[quote"> If I were smart, I'd fall in love with this man, and go from there. But I think about that, and I go numb.[/quote">
Why not just let this be what it is? You cannot force yourself to love someone no matter how good you think they are for you. You either do or you don't. Believe me, I talked myself into loving my X and look where it got me (divorced). Besides, who's to say you won't fall in love with this guy? Give it time. If you like him, keep him around.
[quote"> I know I still have some stuff to work on, and I can tell it would be easier to work on them in a new relationship...[/quote">
Huh? I wholeheartedly disagree with this. I have been through a lot of counseling and read a lot of books on this and unless you can function as an individual outside of a relationship, your relationships are doomed to fail. Sorry to be blunt about that, but that's the way it seems to be. That's why 60% of second marriages end in divorce.
Sounds like a good guy to me...I'm hungry - does he have any spaghetti sauce he could drop by MY house? I don't feel like cooking tonight! LOL.. :-)
Re: someone is looking after me dgiirl: I agree with justmenow. Take your time. Dont rule anything out. You dont need to jump right back into a relationship, and unless he asks for one, you dont need to turn him down either. It seems like he's being a really good friend. You just got out of a long term relationship. Give yourself some space and just go with the flow. No pressure, no worries, stop over analyzing everything. Keep your friends close! And if it's meant to be, it'll happen in time.
Re: someone is looking after me bjs2005: Yeah, stop overanylzing everything. I am doing that crap myself. I need to learn to go with the flow a little better. I think I am analizing a woman I happen to like a lot, to death. I just need to chill, I think we just get so caught up in the process we forget that we are enjoying this, or at least are supposed to be.
I also need to tell myself, there's no need to move at warp speed in a new relationship, slow and steady as she goes. I don't know why I keep wanting to rush everything.
Even this, the very action of writing this post is a product of my over analyzing myself. I know, um, let's call her.. um.. well the beautiful young woman, would say, "bjs2005[she doesn't actually call me that"> , you're not over analyzing and rushing things, don't be so critical of yourself." So, even though we think, that they think, that we are doing something, we're not really doing it.
There's the flow, go with it.
Re: someone is looking after me Kameee: Very well said bjs... I agree completely. :) And something tells me that is exactly what she would say, because I know it's what I would. ;D
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