Re: Trying to come back... Feel: Songbird...
I can't believe how much your words affect me, it's crazy... How do I come to a decsion being so confused and how do I make this decision knowing that I love him and that this wasn't the guy I married and I do know what he is capable of. (good)
I am not trying to make it look like I like this kind of abuse or betrayal.. But I am trying to figure out why I won't let go... :-\ :'(
I am so unsure of all my decision except when I need to do something for my SON....
Re: Trying to come back... summerparis: Hi Feel, I hope that my words don't seem harsh. They are sent to you with a lot of care and concern. The best thing you can do for yourself and your son is to take back your power and get off the roller coaster. It's not good for you to be living like this, and it's not good for your son to see his father treating you this way. You deserve much better.
You're having a hard time letting it go because you've invested your love and your time in the marriage. It's natural to want a return on your investment. However, you have to know when to cut your losses. This man has cheated on you. It's a clear sign that he does not hold you or the marriage or the family in high esteem.
No, it's true - he's not the man you married. You can't make him be that man anymore, either. This is the way he is now. Can you accept that?
Songbird
Re: Trying to come back... tyrogers: [quote author=Songbird link=topic=19041.msg171930#msg171930 date=1127327286"> No, it's true - he's not the man you married. You can't make him be that man anymore, either. This is the way he is now. Can you accept that? Songbird[/quote">
Another couple of questions to ask yourself...Don't you deserve better? Don't you deserve someone who loves you and ONLY you? Someone who cherishes who you are outside and inside?
Good luck!
BBH
Re: Trying to come back... hurting: OMG feel - your story sounds alot like mine...especially the part about the OW woman saying she would kill herself etc etc. I even saw myself feeling sorry for her...
I am also in the same situation with my family. We are reconciling and I haven't been able to tell them cause I'm kinda embarassed cause I told them everything when he was having the affair that was going on and off for a year. Thank god they live 6 hrs away. I feel like an idiot in my eyes in some ways and think people probably think I am nuts for taking him back.
I know how you feel about the thoughts that go thru your head when he doesn't pick up his cell, or even worse - it's turned off. I am really trying to trust and he is doing everything right to earn my trust back...but it's funny - one little thing can set it off. one very small white lie can cause me to spend hours going through his stuff and obsessing.
All I can say is don't appear to be needy cause probably nothing will drive him back to her faster than that..if you even want him back. For me, this is my last try - after this - if anything goes wrong - I'm done. The best advice I heard was to get on with my life without him and if he comes back and we work it out great - and if not - at least you have gotten on with your life. It's not easy believe me, and much easier said than done...
Good luck to you!! I hope everything works out!
rebecca
Re: Trying to come back... sadaboutdad: You know what your husband has done to you is wrong, and if you let him get away with it nothing will every chance, except that your son will turn out just like him. A boy will pattern himself on the strongest male presence in his life. If you can only make decisions that involve your son, then remind yourself that EVERYTHING impacts him. Would it be better for him to grow up with a father, a mother and a "aunt" on the side: or a mother and father and evil (crazy) step mom? What will he take away from all of this? If you let your husband walk all over you then your son will too, not to mention every other woman that he ever comes across. Is keeping you in limbo best for your son? Think of him, think of what will be best for him. I am a strong beliver that kids need all the parents that they can get, but will the two of you together work well for him? Or will it give him the wrong idea on how to treat women. At least if you don't go back to him one parent is letting him know that the way your husband treats women is not right.
