The "Let's Be Friends" Speech hollygolightly: Okay people of ojar, I need your advice. Here's the deal...about 3 weeks ago the post-divorce boyfriend and I break-up. He has continued to call and leave messages (I don't pick up or call him back).
Finally he sends an email saying that he likes to have my input and hear my opinions...he wants us to be (yes, the dreaded word) friends. I have never been one to be friends with someone after a break-up. I've always thought, once the relationship hits a certain level, you just can't go backwards. One of my favorite quotes, I found on this sight, "If you don't want all of me, you can't have any of me."
At the same time, I did really like this guy and I do miss talking to him. I question if I can really be just friends. Would I just be setting myself up for more hurt? Can you be friends with someone after the breakup?
Thanks,
holly
Re: The "Let's Be Friends" Speech tyrogers: Yes you are setting yourself up for more hurt. Clean break is best.
BBH
Re: The "Let's Be Friends" Speech dgiirl: Who initiated the breakup?
If it was him, and he's pestering you for friendship, either he's uncertain he wants to breakup, or is just feeling guilty.
I dont think ppl can come out of a relationship straight into friendship. Usually one party has feelings for the other, and this promise of friendship just gives that party false hope. Break it off now, give yourself a year to get over the heartache, and IF you want to be friends, let it be a year or two from now. Once you've gotten the other person out of your system, maybe it could work.
Re: The "Let's Be Friends" Speech timetobefree: Hey, Holly, that's my quote! Thanks! ;D
You know, it's hard. You figure, theoretically, you date people that you like. Kinda like you are friends with people you like. Yeah, I know, it's a different level of "like" but you know what I mean...you see qualities in them that you are drawn to.
So when you break up, it is hard because, again theoretically, you on some level like who this person is.
In the case of my divorce, it has been almost a year, and I think I am ready to have some type of friendship. Not good friends, but the type who call each other when something big is happening. Not the type that hang out on the weekends together.
How long were you two dating? Did the relationship just end kinda naturally or did something happen (like cheating)?
I guess I would say make a clean break for at least a few months and if it is still an option then, revisit it at that point. But I think it is too fresh for both of you to be able to move from a relationship to a friendship.
Hope this helps,
Amy
Re: The "Let's Be Friends" Speech ChristyM: I agree with the others here. A lot depends on who did the breaking up and the reasons why. Like Amy said, you obviously dated that person for a reason so they must have qualities you liked.
I think after some time goes by, maybe. Right away, I doubt it.
It's like the saying "you can't go back to just holding hands after having sex". Nope, can't do it.
Christy
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