Makes you wonder... Yeehaw: ...I have like no feelings for my stbxw, don't feel down about her, nothing, yet I still wonder about the how's and the why's my marriage failed.
I know we had problems, nothing I didn't think we could work through, and were working through - yet she says that sum of it all was the tipping point to her cheating on me - with a "friend" (yes, if I ever see him, it's ON!) 20 years older than she was.
I know the what, but why do I still think about the how's and why's?
and why should I care? or am I just second guessing myself?
:-\
Dennis
Re: Makes you wonder... Lumpy: [quote author=Yeehaw link=topic=19068.msg172005#msg172005 date=1127332818">
...I have like no feelings for my stbxw, don't feel down about her, nothing, yet I still wonder about the how's and the why's my marriage failed.
I know we had problems, nothing I didn't think we could work through, and were working through - yet she says that sum of it all was the tipping point to her cheating on me - with a "friend" (yes, if I ever see him, it's ON!) 20 years older than she was.
I know the what, but why do I still think about the how's and why's?
and why should I care? or am I just second guessing myself?
:-\
Dennis
[/quote">
I'm in a similar headspace. I guess for me it's about not wanting to repeat my mistakes. I'm in a committed relationship now and I'm very concious of how my action/reactions affect her. I'm very afraid of failing again. I think it's a positive to look at our side of the ledger. I blame the ex for many of our problems but it'd be delusional to charge her for the whole mess...
Re: Makes you wonder... ga_sunshyne: I agree w/Lumpy, Yeehaw..for me it's that I am hell bent and determied to not make the same mistake twice. When I am really feeling down, I just smile and say he was the one I got to practice on and the next one I will make everything right. ;D. All laughing aside...i do believe that you tend to overanalyze the what if's and why's and sometimes you'll never know the true reasons, just relax take it one day at a time and be you. The next person will love you for that.
Sunshyne
Re: Makes you wonder... skooz: I don't think the why's and how's will ever go away.
Personally, I don't expect to get the answers I supposedly need either. I just want to make peace with what happened to my relationship, move on completely and try to find love again when the time's right.
The best thing we can do now is look back carefully, take responsibility for our actions and not let ourselves repeat the same mistakes, but at the same time we shouldn't dwell too much in the past or try to find an explanation about everything that went wrong.
Re: Makes you wonder... kfc75: Somedays the hows and whys consume me. Lately I have taken to telling myself... "listen, buddy. You know that she's not coming back, and you don't want her back. STOP beating a dead horse" it seems to have been helping for now! But I agree that we are so obcessed by why because we don't want to go thru this crapola again, what sicko would?
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