Fam and new bf packer_girl79: OK, this will be kinda long, sorry. I recently (about 6 weeks ago) met the most fantastic guy ever. He is everything I could ever want in a guy, we're not rushing anything, just enjoying each other's company. Here's the problem. My family is still mad at my x and think it's too soon for me to get involved with anyone. They refuse to keep my kids so I can see him (we don't live in the same town) and my brother won't even meet him. It's like they are punishing me because my x is a jerk. I don't get it. I would think they would be happy for me, and glad I met someone who treats me so great. Also, my mom tells me all the time that I *will not* have sex with anyone until I'm married again. HELLO? I'm 26 and have 2 kids, guess what mom, nobody thinks I'm a virgin!!!! Since when is it anyone's place to tell me what to do and judge me for every decision I make? Has anyone else had problems like this? I don't know what to do!!!!
Re: Fam and new bf sigkapgirl: Wow. This totally sounds like my parents! I have at least six more months until my divorce is final, and they don't think I should date until I'm legally not married. I haven't really had to talk to them about anything pertaining to that yet, but I know how you feel about your parents being strict!
Has your family met him? Do you they know how well he treats you? Maybe you could ask them why exactly they don't feel like you should be dating him?
Quite honestly, they are probably just being overprotective right now because they don't want you to get hurt again. I know that my already overly protective parents worry about me a lot more now, and I know that they will be a lot less accepting (if that's possible) of any boyfriends or anything.
So... I'm totally rambling, but I know this is a difficult situation, but from their point of view, they probably think that they're protecting you :)
Re: Fam and new bf packer_girl79: Wow, that makes me feel so much better! I'm not glad your fam is the same way, but it makes me glad to know it's not just mine!
I have told my mom mostly, how great he is and how great he treats me. My divorce should be final in a month or so, and they don't want me dating before then. But he is just too perfect to pass up! My mom is more concerned with how it "looks" to others (I try to tell her others don't care) and the sex thing is a big issue with her.
My dad is being understandably overprotective, and my brother is just being immature. I am expected to be the perfect one in the family, and do what everyone wants me to. That's part of the reason I stayed in a bad marraige so long in the first place. I'm done with what everyone else thinks, but I do want them to like him.
I want to introduce him to them, my parents are willing, but my brother and his wife out and out refuse to meet him because they don't approve of my having a bf. Then my parents expect me to patch things up with them, even though I'm not the one who's out of line. HELP! Do I just cut them off? Do I stop mentioning him altogether? I don't know what to do.
Re: Fam and new bf sigkapgirl: Yep, my parents are Nazis. No doubt about it :P
I totally understand what you're saying. My parents are the same way. Don't want to "air the dirty laundry" so to speak. And as far the sex goes... I don't even want my parents to know I had sex with my husband! ::)
If your parents are willing to meet him, why don't you start there? He doesn't need to meet everyone all at once, especially when your brother isn't willing. It might be easier on your bf too if he doesn't have to meet everyone all at once. Maybe if you're going out, you can "drop by" your parents house and then be on your way. No big formal affair or anything, just a brief introduction. If that goes well, then you can try and move on to something longer, and perhaps involving your brother.
Don't stop mentioning him altogether. If its causing a huge conflict, then you might want to limit how much you say, but you talking about him is the only way that they can really know how much you care about him and think how great he is :)
Re: Fam and new bf skooz: Been there, done that. My family (mostly my mom) against my wish to be with someone new, but it turned out to be she knew what she was saying and I didn't want to listen. But that's another story. Oh, and I did get the whole "You shouldn't go out with anyone until your divorce is final." -- Big pfft!
I don't want to be the party pooper here, I really don't care about what other people will think if I date someone or not, that's not the issue here. I just want to ask you how long have you been separated? We tend to believe we meet prince charming when a nice guy comes along after separation and sometimes it ends up in disaster. Maybe that's why your family is being protective, I don't know!
I'm just telling you to be careful with the thinking he's the most wonderful person you've met, especially if you haven't met anyone else before. If the guy's so great, take it easy and don't go against your family because of it. Good luck!
F.
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