Blown Away Dire Wolf: After 11 years of a wonderful marrage and friendship and 2 kids my wife out of the clear blue walked out on me and my kids because she was having an affair. I am a hard worker with a good job and just bought her a brand new Jeep Liberty 2 weeks ago. I don't hit her, I don't play head games, I don't do drugs, I only drink socially, I'm a very good father, and I've never run around on her. The guy she left me for is unemployed, living with a girl who won a court settlement and she pays the rent for their 2 bedroom apartment, brags about drinking 3 40's a day and smoking blunts, has never had a job longer than 2 months, has 2 kids living in an environment like that(because his ex is even a bigger loser than he is) and doesn't even have a car.
She will not accept any responsability for her actions, but instead just keeps attacking me for everything that she can think of in our marrage to justify her wrong doings. A year and a half ago I was spending too much time online and built a bit of an emotional relationship with a girl. It wasn't love, it was just a way to escape reality and I got lost. I realized what I was doing and ended it immediatly and my wife and I moved on. Then 2 months later she said she wasn't over it and asked me to move out so she could figure things out. I did so immediatly because I felt so horrible. But as it turned out she had been talking with a guy from another state and invited him to move into our home with our children not knowing anything more than what he had told her. I found out and I offered her total and complete forgiveness and we moved on. Since then we have been better than we had ever been. She was writing love notes to me in the bathroom mirror steam just 3 weeks ago. Then I some home from work a week ago and she just blindsides me with the fact that she is leaving. I had to make her swear on the kids to get her to admit the affair.
This has been the worst week of my life. To make matters worse I can see where she is staying from my house and she has been doing everything she can think of to push me and hurt me and blames me for it all and the best I got out of her was "OK maybe I handled it wrong. I came home one day and saw this bum pull up with 2 of his buddies driving my brand new jeep. And yet I, for the sake of my children and family have put in every effort to try and seek counceling. I finally got her to agree to see the therapist I started seeing today trying to get my head together. but when I asked her if she would nopt sleep with this man until we go to the therapist in a week bnecause it kills me knowing that she is and she said.."I'll think about it but I'm gonna do what I want to do". She has told me that she isn't in love with this man so why can't she have enough respect for our marrage and what she is putting me through, without warning, to try and consider what this is doing to me and her kids?
Just when I think she can't get lower she does. I left here here with the kids and she took all kinds of furniture out an dleft me with a broken lamp and then stole $400 from me.I have the house, the bills, the kids, and work about 50 hours a week and she takes what I need to try and support my children. I am just blown away and I can name many other things shes done this week to try and crush me. Is it time to embrace my anger? She's taken my whole life away, I don't want to let her take my character away from me too. But I'm at my wits end. I'm a broken man right now and I am just trying to get by for my kids. Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
Sorry this is so long but, believe it or not, this is the abridged version. I could write a novel if I listed everything that's happened this past week.
Re: Blown Away charmed: Welcome to Ojar ;D
Wow!!! I can sure see why you are blown away. You seem like a wonderful and loving person that doesn't deserve this treatment.
I also ask myself if I need to embrace my anger. I feel there is something I haven't released, but not sure what. I, like you, want to retain my character in not having so much anger and dealing with my situation in dignity. But, in some respects that may cause repressed emotions.
You have a lot on you now and need to focus on your children and yourself as much as possible. You are worth more than being treated so shabby. She didn't value you or your marriage because she doesn't place much value on herself. This will eventually bite her in the a**.
I don't know what the answer is to your situation, but my heart goes out to you. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.
`charmed
Re: Blown Away Samarra: Welcome to OJar.
Embrace your anger....make friends with it...but don't let it get out of control.
I think releasing of anger can simply mean....taking a stand in a non-physical way....to gain back control and self-esteem.
Of course she's blaming you....she's immature, untrustworthy, impulsive. and it would seem to me....extremely confused. How else can you explain leaving a good.....hardworking man for what amounts to be a bum.
Your only responsibility now is to yourself and your kids.....keep posting here....it's a great start.
(((HUGS))))
Re: Blown Away Dire Wolf: Thanks charmed. The only thing keeping me going now my my my little girl and boy and all the support I'm getting from all of my friends and family. She can't take my character from me unless I give it to her but I want vengence on her soooo bad it hurts. She has only known this man for 2 weeks. I just can't wrap my brain around it. But I'm getting to the point where I'm done wasting my brain power figuring it out. I'm a good man and I'm not gonna let her make me question that. But I mourn the loss of my family every day. I just want to heal at this point.
Re: Blown Away Dire Wolf: Thanks Samarra. I guess there are some things you can just never figure out. But what hurts most is that no matter how she has warped her mind to place the blame on me or whtever she thinks of me thses poor little innocent kids don't deserve what has been placed in their lives. I'm just so sad for them.
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