Should I do this? Justgothen: Short recap: my husband (M 4y together 9+) filed for divorce 4 weeks ago on Friday, out of the blue (I've been devastasted, heart broken, shocked). I went to the courthouse today to file my response. He and I had discussed that we were going to do the divorce ouselves to keep costs down, and just draft our own settlement agreement. I thought, since I am unemployed, they will waive the filing fees. Apparently, not in San Diego (damn CA economics!!). Anyhow, the law facilitator suggested that I ask my stbx to sign a letter stating that he will not file a default (I have 30 days to file response, which is Monday) without giving me 10 days written notice. I called him from the courthouse and he acted like such a jerk, like he was unsure if he was willing to sign it, like I was asking him for a favor. I called to ask him if that is what he wanted to do AS A COURTESY TO HIM. Even if they don't waive the fees, all I have to do is ask the court to impose on him the court costs. I know I would get it because I have been unemployed for a while and he has supported me.
I could totally screw him in this divorce, but I don't want to. I just hate his attitude. He is always saying things like " I'm trying to be kind to you" and "I don't want to say things that will hurt you". It sounds patronizing and I am not a pathetic person. I know he has his gf and parents in his corner egging him on, but I refuse to be angry. I just want to protect myself. I sent him the following email, please let me know what you all think.
H,
Listen, I've been thinking about it, and I've decided that I am going to file my response tomorrow. I just need to protect my interests. I don't have time to wait for you to "chew on it". I have somewhere to be Friday and Monday for most of the day. Just think of it this way: It will only cost you an additional $300, and that's a small price to pay to have me out of your life forever, don't you think? (reference A Bronx Tale :) )
I am at the point where I would like to get together soon and draft an agreement and be done with this. It will be for the best. We can move on from that point. I'm sad that it turned out like this, but I don't want to be angry, bitter, or resentful. I'm in a good place right now, so let's just get it over with ok?
Sincerely,
Justgothen
Re: Should I do this? charmed: From personal experience with a messy divorce and an insane husband, I would highly recommend hiring a laywer. My husband pulled every tactic, intimidated me, but once I had the law to protect me, I was no longer intimidated.
They will do everything and say anything to make you think the divorce, property settlement, etc. will go in a certain direction. I researched the legalities and knew where I stood and his words no longer held meaning.
It sounds like your husband is deliberating trying to drag you down. This is why a lawyer can step in and be of great help.
I wish you the very best-
`charmed
Re: Should I do this? Justgothen: Thanks charmed. I am just so confused. I am going to the courthouse tomorrow and filing my response (on his dime). He didn't get the chance to "chew on it" tonight, because I know he always meets up with her on Wednesdays. I refuse to wait on his timeline, sorry he was too busy running around with his flusy to work this out. I have a busy schedule this week, so I am just going to file. If I need a lawyer, I will get one. I'm smarter and more shrewd than he is, so I do not see myself getting screwed. The sad part is that I don't think I know who he is anymore.
Re: Should I do this? clambakesX: JGT, I would =highly= recommend getting a lawyer, at least to check out any agreement before you sign it. Women typically make the mistake of giving 'peace' in the short run a far higher priority than long-run fairness to themselves.
It doesn't matter how smart we are - an objective opinion from another party can't hurt you. I'm pretty d@mn smart and shrewd myself, but when it's personal, we don't always see all possibilities.
Re: Should I do this? Dire Wolf: You are doing the right thing. It seems as though he hasn't done the right thing at any step of the way including how he handled your relationship. If he wants to play head games then you need to do what you need to do to get yourself through this and move on. I think a lawyer is in your best interrest right now and you should look into it so you don't end up screwed in the end. Good luck.
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