day 4 Lome: well we seem to be getting into a sort of pattern....I came home late today, meetings and grades due.....I walked in and about 12min later he came into the living room and asked for about 20 min to finish his game....He was excited because someone is going to look at the house tomorrow....
Nothing has been done today....the bills are still in a stack, there are coke cans all over the place and filled ashtrays....
When the game was done, he came in and watched some tv with me....we shared the couch and he was pleasant...not talking, but our bodies touched and he was ok with that.
We then had dinner out (no kitchen) and he excused himself for the evening....He asked if it was ok and if I would be pissed ---and then reminded me that seperation meant no talking for the rest of the evening....
I had a headache and was going to just veg on the couch until bed time.
I fell asleep and was woken up by my inlaws knocking on the door.....
My husband has been avoiding then since he has come home in June...he has seen them accidentally maybe once or twice.
They came with a Bible and Jesus to bring him back into the light....they spoke of "good times" his family had when he was a small child....they talked about their deaths (ages 67 and 72) and having prayer vigils for his sake.
He was polite for about 30 min and then the loud sighs began....after about 10 more mins, he asked them to leave....they refused....he then demanded they leave....they refused.....they started to pray and tell him about Jesus.....He opened the door and threw the Bible outside and began to cuss out his parents.....His Mother slapped his face and was crying.....He was yelling and threatened to call the police on them......His parents then left and were loudly crying......in the dark, they searched for the Bible.....He opened the door and flashed a light on the garden....His mother said she loved him and would hold a prayer vigil until Satan removed his hands from my husband's heart.....My husband said maybe you should have spent more time with me (ask a kid) instead of being at church and I may like you now........it was so sad.
He came in and in a very calm voice said, "I asked them to leave and they refused." He then told me that the great vacation he had as a child was pure hell, being sent to be with country relatives that did not care to know him ....he was holding onto so much anger from when he was a child....
I agreed that the first time he asked them to leave, he was polite.
I sat on the couch in disbelief of what I had just witnessed.....I wanted to ask him if it was necessary to yell and cuss, but I did not....I do not know if I even wanted to.....
He then left and began to play his game. This time there was no good night, no hug, just walking to the computer room......
Re: day 4 Yeehaw: Harsh advice ahead!
Lome, you've done all you could - you took the honorable route, it was less than successful, and it's NOT your fault! Other than signing over your indentures, I don't see what else you could have done.
Now that that part is out of the way, I'd suggest you start looking at your exit strategy. Time to CYA and salvage what you can from your marriage.
Take care of yourself, Lome.
IMO
Dennis
Re: day 4 EssieDotCom: w0w--- For the first time in a long time I don't know what to say. I think the throwing the bible outside thing threw me off. I was always taught to respect the bible no matter how i felt about it. Maybe he has held onto too much anger about his childhood, those are the things we need to live and let go. It's hard at times, but with out forgiveness we tend to hold onto them and the tighter we hold the more hold they have on our lives and the more they controll us. My prayers will be with him.
Seems a bit harsh to tell you that seperation means no talking; um, well i think you knew that, but without trying to talk about things, how can you see if there is any hope. Well, on your end you feel that if he would just give it some thought there would be hope, but he feels that no matter what you say or do he's made up his mind. Just like my husband has. And you feel hopeless because there's nothing you can do or say to change his mind. Angers me to think that someone else has to go through the same exact things I have been through lately, but I realize it has to happen to other people too. MY SUPER BIG HUGGSSSS go out to you. Start planning for the worst and praying for the best. even though you don't want to, and i really know how much you don't want to.
HUGGGGGS
Re: day 4 beautifulgirl: Hi dear,
Oh i was shocked by the way ur husband treated his parents and the bible!!!
Well, i think that there is something wrong with him, attitude "very bad", you know i one had a horrible husband who was always shouting to others and one day he did this to me always shouting and became inpolite in the end, i thought in the begining that he will never do this to me, but believe me he did.
try to convince him to go to a therapist, cause i think that one day he will shout at you and do like he did with his mum.
good luke
Re: day 4 whatnext: Lome,
I'm with Yeehaw on this one, to a T.
As far as his relationship with his parents? Well, here they are, praying for him, but not listening to him at all. It's like, we want to help you, but we will only help you in a way that we think is best. We won't really try to listen to you and help you... So he threw the Bible, and threw all of their "help" back in their own face... I agree, he wasn't too cool, but they weren't either. I mean, the guy's going through a seperation, so instead of actually trying to help their son in a pratical way, they force religion down his throat -- yeah, that'll work...
But you can let that go, too. I just wanted to offer some insight into that situation, since you were focused on it.
John
