Re: When do you begin to worry? dgiirl: I just went to an Employment Insurance seminar thing, and they said it typically takes someone 3 months to find a job if the job is in high demand, and about 6 months if it's not. So that might give you some timeline to consider.
Did he just get layed off? Maybe he wants to take some time off for himself before he starts working again? I would be concerned tho if he has no motivation to look.
Re: When do you begin to worry? Smiley17: The gas station where he worked closed, so essentially, he was laid off. He tells me that he has motivation to look, but I don't know whether to really ask how it's going?
Will I cross a line if I ask if he's applied?
I know there's a Glass company down the street from where we both live and he said that he wants to go there, but he's waiting to talk to a particular guy about it.
I sent him an e-mail the other day with a few local jobs in the area, but those sites aren't always updated.
I don't want to be b!tchy and start asking a million questions, but I don't want him to think it's ok to not work. I don't know....
I'm a hard worker and I'm moving up at work. I know he's not like this, but I don't want him to think that I'm better than he is because I'll make more money. I posted about this before, but it still concerns me a little.
Maybe I should just relax and let him worry about it until it's time for me to, and just keep "checking in"?
You guys are great, by the way! Thank you!!
Re: When do you begin to worry? WhiskeyGirl: For sure you could ask how its going! It doesn't have to come across as pushy at all. I mean, when he was working probebly the first thing you asked was "how was your day?, how was work?", blah, blah, the usual right? So now you just change it to, "how was your day? Hows the job hunt coming? anything promising?" Just casual conversation. I totally understand not wanting to take over the male role, ICK! no way. I'm like you, I certainly don't mind paying my own way but I guess I'm old fashioned because if a guy ended up depending on me financially it would just turn me right off. Mabey its nothing to worry about with him, he may just be taking it easy for a bit and then will jump right back at it, but I understand where you are coming from for sure. Keep dropping the hints ;) Other than this (and this could be totally minor)he sounds like a total sweetheart :D
Re: When do you begin to worry? Shanna: I am the straight forward just ask how it is and tell my concerns type of girl. SO, not that it is the right thing to do, I would say, "So GG, Did you find a job yet? No...why not? ARe you looking for a job? Where have you gone so far? Anyone interested in hiring you that you know of?"
You know that is just me though. People either take me or leave me.
From one BAB to another. :-*
Re: When do you begin to worry? whatnext: Hi Smiley,
It sounds like you already have begun worrying, so now you have to deal with that. You could try dealing with it by recognizing that it is your worrying and not D's unemployment which is really bothering you. Clearly one is creating the other, but all you can really do is to be supportive of his job hunt, and to take care of your discomfort.
He doesn't sound lazy. Lazy guys don't hold jobs as long as he did, and they don't treat you in the way he's been treating you (as you've told it) which is well. Lazy guys get fired and they let you carry the load. No, he sounds rather like he lacks some motivation. I think that if he is with you, he must be intelligent, so I'm wondering why he didn't have the motivation to get a better job once he had his job as a service attendant secured. Motivation for improvement could be like laziness, but I don't think it is in this case -- it sounds more like a problem of inertia. He probably doesn't push himself if his basic needs are being met, so the answer is...
to withold sex... joke!
Really though, you don't want to be the nag, so it puts you in a tough situation because maybe you're seeing something in him which ultimately places the relationship in jeapordy, in your mind at least. So then you have a sort of inertia, because if you push him to much you may be afraid that it changes your relationship, which you're happy with. But if you don't push him, and his situation doesn't change, then your comfort level stays the same: lower than it should be.
At some point this may come to a head...
I'm probably wrong on this, but that's what it sounds like to me.
