need advice starzluv: my problem is when my kids asked their dad why he left, my H had the idea of say he had to move out to help his friend cuz he didn't have a car. Now my 5 year old expects him to be moving home soon. she keeps telling me when daddys friend gets a new car then he will be home, when he comes home can we do_______ fill in the blank. what am i suppose to say to her when she says things like this?? i have no clue how to handle this one. she's only 5. it breaks my heart knowing that she thinks he's comming home. i know i want him to come home, but i am comming to terms with the fact that it probably isn't going to happen, but she just wants daddy home and i don't know what to tell he anymore. my son whos 6 is the same asking how much longer till daddys friend gets a car and can come home. all i keep saying to him is i don't know. which he then says but your mom you know everything but then he drops it all together for a while.
Re: need advice Shanna: I think you need to sit down and be Honest. Tell them that sometimes moms and dads are better when they live apart. Tell them that this is what you all are doing. I like to use examples when I explain things to children so if your kids have a cousin or close friend whose parents are seperated compare, but don't go to deep. Like you know Little Ryan how he gets to spend some days with his dad at his dad's house and some with his mom at his mom's house....we are going to do it like that, too.
I am all about being as honest as possible with your kids. Depending on your relationship with your ex is you may sit down and tell them together, but make sure you go in there with a "plan" of what to say. Not word for word, but a basic guideline....and don't forget honesty.
Re: need advice sheydp: Have you spoken to him much? I have looked at your recent posts before posting this, and I don't see anything about child support, talks between you, his ideas of the future... It would help to know what he might have said about his plans, his current activities, and how responsible he is about the kids...
Personally, I am all for honesty with kids, they know more than we give them credit for. I am also for putting a positive spin on things, as much as we are able. You are moving to a new house? I think I need to read up on your story more...
Shey
Re: need advice starzluv: he comes over almost every day, but as far as talking we really don't do that. when it comes to the kids he visits with them here and has taken our 2 year old over night a couple time, but not the 5 and 6 year old yet. he's using school as an excuse for not taking them since he takes the baby during the week. he doesn't know what he wants. i got a call from him a few weeks ago at 1:30 in the morning, and he just kept telling me that he loves me but sometimes he just can't stand to be around me (like i don't feel the same sometimes) and that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore, and he wants to come home, but he doesn't want to hurt me even more by comming home and then us be in the same place in a year. he kept telling me to tell him what to do, and all i could tell him is that he knows what i want, but i can't tell him what to do he has to figure that one out on his own. and no he doesn't pay child support yet. we were suppose to have an appointment with domestic relations, but had to reschedule cuz he had to work, and i had an interview for the job i just got. and till i can get enough money together to buy a house, we are moving into public housing. my job doesn't pay enough for me to keep up the bills where we are, even if i was getting child support.
Re: need advice sheydp: It sounds like you two need to sit down and hash some things out - as hard as I know that will be. You are putting your life, and your childrens', on hold until he gets his shit together (pardon the expression). What if he never does? You need to sit him down and tell him this is what the kids are asking. That you have the same question. That you can't wait forever for him to decide without making decisions of your own. Sweetie - you CAN'T... Even if you didn't have those lovely children, YOU deserve more than to wait forever for him to decide if he wants to work on it. Those children ARE there, though, and they need answers, or the answers they come up with will be worse than the truth. Children are ego-centric - eventually they will just believe that Daddy didn't come home for good because of them. They need to know you both still love them, and that that doesn't mean Daddy will live with them. Or if Daddy doesn't live with them, that he doesn't love them. You can't have that discussion with them until you and Daddy have talked about it and know what is said to them, so you don't confuse them with different responses.
For your sake, for your children's... pin that man down and talk to him.
Parenting is so hard... trying to do it when your emotions are up and down and you feel in the dark and in limbo... that is almost impossible and downright unfair. PM me if want - I am always always happy to help out if I can. HUGS
Shey
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