He Just Dosen't Care, Does He? Malpal: The last time I wrote, he cheated on me....again and then I forgave him....again for the umpteenth time. Last night, he told me that he did something dumb at work cos he was forgetful, as usual, and that it could cost him his job! He works with aircraft for pete's sake! What is the matter with him?! He's always been thinking of crap at work and listening to bad advice from his friends rather than good advice from me. He always took his job for granted like how he takes me for granted and never took it seriously. He'd rather work at trying to get other women, chatting with them, etc. instead of concentrating on his job. He never spared a thought for me and our daughter. He's just this selfish, mean guy who always thought of himself! He never tries to improve himself in any way - be it at work or as an individual and as a husband and father. I can't take it anymore....all his irresponsibility, infidelity, selfishness!!!!! He used to gamble - slot machines, share markets, etc. when our kid was just a year old until she was about 3. All that finally stopped and then....his new hobby - trying to get women off the internet (twice), phone chatlines (twice or more), trying to have a fling with my brother's ex-wife (twice) and the most current - oral sex done on him by a part time prostitute in our car (3 times)!!! We saw a counsellor once (Catholic Priest). He changed for a while but back to his old self again. Whenever he's guilty, he would be rude and really nasty towards me. He would get into rage even with the slightest thing and threaten to leave. Stupid me, thinking that he needed professional help to control his anger, I always calmed him down and beg him to stay cos of the love in me. Now when I think of it, I am pretty sure that he was just pretending so he could get out of me asking him anything.
I'm always praying for him and us. This morning, I sat and prayed hard and as usual, I've been crying. Why does he do this to us constantly? I'm always on my toes thinking what he would do next. He's like a 2 year old son I never had more than a husband! I want someone who would appreciate me, I can talk to, rely on, love me as I would love him and take care of him as I would always. I don't want to worry and feel so hurt and sad anymore. My sister has been telling me to leave him and further my studies as he is always up to no good and full of dirty secrets. After the news last night, I am beginning to give up forgiving him and I think she's right. I am really contemplating on leaving him!....but what would happen after that? Will I really be satisfied and happy? Oh God, I just don't know what to do anymore!!! I think I should divorce him?!
Re: He Just Dosen't Care, Does He? kittenpants: I don't know what to say, Sweetie, but I think your sister may be right. It sounds like this man just doesn't know how to be in a relationship. It also sounds like he hasn't put much effort into trying to chage or work on things.
Of course, I don't know your whole story, but after reading this post, I just want you to know that if you decide to leave him, I, for one, am behind you.
(((Hugs)))
Re: He Just Dosen't Care, Does He? ajw: Well you know what,theres only so many times you can hit yourself in the head with a hammer before you go "ow that hurts"...and i think your heads just about reached its limit.Your sisters right,you have to leave him,you've given him countless oppurtunitys to change and he's blown them all.Stop living your life for him and start living it for you and your daughter.
Andy
Re: He Just Dosen't Care, Does He? Spectrum: [quote author=Malpal link=topic=19560.msg178342#msg178342 date=1128055137">
Why does he do this to us constantly? I'm always on my toes thinking what he would do next. [/quote">
Having been married to (and divorced from) someone with similar tendencies, I feel like I have to ask you a very serious question that you will likely be very offended by....
Why exactly do you ALLOW him to continue doing this to you constantly?
There are a million better men out there that won't do this to you. Ever. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they are right for you. And clearly this guy has no respect for you or your family. Why would you want to continue subjecting yourself to the daily destruction of your self-esteem? Do you realize what type of example this sets for your children?
Even the Catholic Church accepts adultery as a valid reason for divorce.
You can continue to make yourself a victim of his behaviors, or you can take control of your life and learn from this experience.
My ex cheated on me. Verifiably, he had a 6-month affair. In addition to that, there were multiple rumors of other women, and incidents where he was caught trying to put his hands in the cookie jar, so to speak. When I discovered the affair, I left and I didn't look back. It wasn't easy, by any means. But I learned from it, and I like who I have turned out to be, so I wouldn't take the experience back. And I definitely won't allow myself to be treated that way again.
Spectrum.
Re: He Just Dosen't Care, Does He? Feel: wow, your situation sounds a little like mine but how you feel is exactly the way I do!
Man, if you can support all three of you then kick him out, don't do what I have done or am doing... :-\
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