Re: ? for the leavers..... Gem72: Curt988,
I left my ex and at first I tried to be very civil due to us having two children together but then I think he thought there was a chance for reconciliation. I eventually had to distance myself from him and no longer try to be friends b/c I didn't want to mislead him in any way.
Gem72
Re: ? for the leavers..... KdUb: [quote author=dgiirl link=topic=19576.msg178704#msg178704 date=1128104092">
For things to end on a good note, you need lots of time. Time separate from each other. I was SO SO angry in the beginning, still am. And no matter what he did, I would have hated him for it. Seriously, how can you end things on a good note when you're forced to do something you dont want to do? You just try to protect each other from your anger and let them go. Maybe years from now, things can end on a good note. Right now, I just want it to end. I can live with myself and the way I've handled the whole situation. I havent lost my self respect.
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Same here. I said my piece. She knows where I stand. Time to move on.
Re: ? for the leavers..... Older Guy: A lot of times the leavers have left emotionally before leaving physically. And are at a different point in the road than the ones who are left. They have often dealt with the pain of leaving the relationship before even leaving and it makes them appear cold and nonchalant. It gives meaning to the expression behind "left behind".
Re: ? for the leavers..... flowersdirtandgardengirl: I was just about to say what Older said.
Even though I am the leavee, I know that he left emotionally far before he left physically.
As for the no contact, I don't think it's cold at all. I think it's smart and completely self preservation, a tactic I have adopted on my own. If my life is to be without this person, as evidenced by the fact that they left, why should I continue to involve myself in them? It's different for everyone. People have children and houses and businesses....we have a house and finances to deal with. But, for me, I imposed a 2 month "no fly zone". I don't care if the house burns down...okay, maybe I'd care about that, but I hope the point is clear.
Contact with him will only set me back all these weeks I've been making inch worm progress in moving forward. I've already given him years of my life, an undconditional love, several career decisions and I did it because I loved him and believed he loved me, too. Now that I know he doesn't, why would I give him anymore? It's not cold, it's just seems like common sense.
~GG
Re: ? for the leavers..... alonewith2: I was left the first time, but did the leaving this time (but only after he cheated on me again!)
I feel that the leaver sometimes acts cold so that their feelings of leaving won't be swayed. It leaves less confusion in the mind of the leavee on their intentions, and it will be less likely that the leavee will continue to "hang around" after all is said and done.
