I'm a newbie...and heartbroken cyncyn_22: My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago, after an almost 2-year relationship (Oct. 3 would've been our anniversary). He told me he has feelings for another woman, whom I know, and wants to work out his feelings before doing anything else with me or her.
But this hurts me so bad; if any of you knew my boyfriend, you would know that he was not the type of person who would do something like this.
We were planning on getting married when we finished college and I got a decent job, now all of my hopes and dreams with this man are gone.
This is the worst thing that's ever happened in my life and I don't know how to move on. I'm seriously considering dropping out of college, since the reason why I was in college in the first place was because of him.
Thankfully, I've been seeing a counselor here at the college, and maybe that will help. But I sought out this community because I know that all of you have been through this sort of thing before and maybe can offer me some help.
Any help would be much appreciated.
Re: I'm a newbie...and heartbroken Gem72: What ever you do...don't drop out of college b/c of him! I know this is a difficult time for you and no one likes it when someone they love puts them on hold. Try to steer your focus towards school until he figures out what he needs to do.
If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't wait on him. You deserve to have someone that wants you and only you.
Take care,
Gem72
Re: I'm a newbie...and heartbroken KdUb: Well, my situation is a little different so I'm not sure how much help I can be other than to tell you that if he hasn't acted out on his feelings towards your mutual friend yet, there just may be some hope.
Let me explain.
By him coming to you and telling you that he is feeling this way is his cry for help. If he truly did not care for you, he would just act out on his impulses rather than confront them with you. You should consider yourself lucky. My STBXW never came to me with ANY of her problems and instead, sought the emotional comfort in a so-called "friend" which later turned into more.
Had my wife came to me and said, "Hey, I'm having these conflicting feelings and I need to talk to you about it..." I may have been hurt in the beginning but at least I would know there was a problem and that we could work on those problems - together.
All is not lost....yet. Sit him down. Talk to him. Ask him what he wants - what makes him happy. Find out if there is anything you can do and do it. If he is sincere and still has feelings for you, he'll grant you that time.
Not sure if that helps at all but just thought I'd throw my $.02 into the pot.
Keep your chin up and smile for us. :D
Re: I'm a newbie...and heartbroken cyncyn_22: [quote author=Gem72 link=topic=19579.msg178714#msg178714 date=1128104399">
Try to steer your focus towards school until he figures out what he needs to do.
[/quote">
That's part of my problem. He was my focus as far as school is concerned. I feel like my purpose for being in college is gone.
[quote author=Gem72 link=topic=19579.msg178714#msg178714 date=1128104399">
If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't wait on him. You deserve to have someone that wants you and only you.
[/quote">
That's another problem. I'm conflicted as to whether I should wait on him or just move on. It's not like he doesn't love me anymore, I think he's just confused. And who knows, he might decide that I really am the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Part of me wants to take him back, and part of me wants to hate his guts.
My therapist told me that because my feelings are so raw, that maybe I should do like him and think through my feelings before making any decisions. She assured me that I don't have to make the decision right now.
For now, me and my ex are still on good terms. We see each other every Tues. and Thurs. (we have a class together), and we still talk like we're friends.
Thanks for the advice :)
cynycn_25
Re: I'm a newbie...and heartbroken cyncyn_22: [quote author=KdUb link=topic=19579.msg178720#msg178720 date=1128104761">
By him coming to you and telling you that he is feeling this way is his cry for help. If he truly did not care for you, he would just act out on his impulses rather than confront them with you. You should consider yourself lucky.
[/quote">
He definately still cares about me. He told me that, and I believe him.
[quote author=KdUb link=topic=19579.msg178720#msg178720 date=1128104761">
All is not lost....yet. Sit him down. Talk to him. Ask him what he wants - what makes him happy. Find out if there is anything you can do and do it. If he is sincere and still has feelings for you, he'll grant you that time.
[/quote">
I wish I could sit him down, but I get the feeling that he just wants to contemplate his feelings on his own, and we both agreed that the best way for him to objectively evaluate his feelings is if both me and the other woman involved aren't bothering him all of the time.
I've asked him to come to counseling with me, but his work schedule isn't compatible with that of the on-campus counseling serivce.
Thanks for the encouragement, (I read some about your situation, let me tell you that you definately have my sympathy) :)
cyncyn_25
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