THE ULTIMATUM KdUb: She just left to go to Vegas for the weekend event she is working. She told me that he's meeting her there. Staying in the same room. Says she's not going to sleep with him. Doesn't really matter. Just needed to know. Told her I am having the divorce papers drafted. Told her I'd be back on Friday (7th) and one of two things was going to happen.
Either she commits to me 10,000% and we go to counceling, she seeks help, and/or we move away........OR.........we sign papers and walk our separate ways.
I basically put the ball back in her court a little - just so she can be held somewhat accountable for this whole mess and she can't say that I have just "ABANDONED" her. She agreed that I have done more than any person could possibly be asked to do and understood that when I told her I was through - I MEANT IT. She cried. Talked about how confused she still was (more than ever now) and how she wasn't any more clear. I just told her that she had better pray a lot and look deep inside cause this is serious. THIS IS YOUR LIFE! You have the power to make it or break it and if you don't, I will.
She said she keeps flip flopping between running away and running back. When asked why she doesn't run back, she replies w/, "I don't know - I guess I'm just scared." Then I asked her how scared she would be when she was all alone. I told her that she would be co-dependent on this guy and he would LOVE that! She agreed and said she didn't want that. She also said that she hates what she is doing. Of course I asked WHY and her reply was that it is just easier to run. She hates living out of a bag and sleeping on his couch (yeah right). I asked why she does it and the reply was that moving all of her stuff out just seems 'so final'. WELL GUESS WHAT???? IT IS FINAL!!!!!! It's sh*t or get off the pot time honey. No more beating around the bush, no more "time apart". IT'S DO OR DIE - SINK OR SWIM - EAT OR BE EATEN time.
I also asked her to prepare a letter to me, telling me all her thoughts and feelings since I know she can write down her thoughts better than speaking them - hands down. She agreed. Told her I would do the same and we could exchange them on Friday night when we sit down to our final discussion. That might help shed some light on things since I never get any answers.......hopefully.
As silly as this sounds.....I still think there is a glimmer of hope here. That Kelly might....just might....see the light in the next week knowing that the documents are drafted and will be ready to sign and that 2-3 weeks after that.....we will not be husband and wife any longer.
I told her that her heart would end up making the decision for her mind. I believe that. I also told her this in an email......
[quote"> I love you Kelly and all I want is the best for you. Just like in Bruce Almighty when Jim Carey is trying to make Jennifer Anniston love him again.....
[quote author=BRUCE ALMIGHTY"> God: Grace. Do you want her back?
Bruce: No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.
God: Now THAT'S a prayer.[/quote">
Seriously Kelly.....THAT is what I pray for every night.....That I want YOU to be happy, no matter what that means.[/quote">
Then she called me. I asked if she understood where I was coming from and she said she did. I told her that I loved her and she said that she loved me too w/ sincerity in her voice.
Dunno what the cards hold for us but we will find out next Friday for sure. We're meeting at 10PM after her event dinner. All will be told then. I am prepared to do what I have to do. LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH!
Please pray for me.
Re: THE ULTIMATUM alonewith2: I think you did the right thing. It is time for her to make a decision. It isn't fair to you to be held in limbo the way you are.
Your story sounds similar to mine. I don't know all the details, only this one post. My STBX left me for another woman. WE had many of the same conversations, but he chose to stay with the OW in the end. He felt the damage was already done, and the path back would be harder than continuing forward. Even after he realized that he didn't want the OW, he kept going. He said that he didn't give up everything for nothing...so he would keep going to prove a point.
I, too, asked if his decision was going to keep him warm at night when he was all alone thinking about what he could have had. Of course he said, no, but that still didn't deter him.
I think you should stick to your guns. Allowing her the time to go see this OM before making the decision was more than enough, I'd say!
I hope things turn out for you, but please try to keep to what you said. If you wishywash....it will only give her the power to keep dragging you through the mud!
Re: THE ULTIMATUM Bubba: If she is going away for a weekend in Vegas, where she is spending the weekend in the room with the guy she has be shagging then I am sorry to say but she should either decide to go on the weekend or stay at home. Not go, shag, then come back and say ok, I had my last weekend fun, lets work it out.
I don't mean to be hard, for my Ex cheated too, but there is no way hell I would have said go and shag, I'll be here waiting.
Bubba
Re: THE ULTIMATUM charmed: I know you are quite emotional and upset with this ordeal and VERY understandably so, but you are handling it well with what you are doing. You're thinking logically and not irrational and I commend you for that. It's very easy to think and do things irrationally when your world's been torn apart.
I read an article about a woman that had an affair and was in counseling. She was undecided as to stay with her husband or stay with the OM. Her counselor told her to make two lists...
1. list all the pro & cons of staying in the marriage
2. If she had a magic wand and could change anything what would it be.
These lists helped her clarify everything. Might be something you suggest to your wife since she is so confused. I think it's a bad thing to leave a relationship unless you know why you are leaving. You may not have that 2nd chance to return.
I wish you the best ;D
`charmed
Re: THE ULTIMATUM charmed: I tend to agree with Bubba on her going to Vegas with this guy. She may very well be confused, but her time could be better spent ALONE since too many people's lives are in involved. Her going to Vegas with this guy almost (???)makes a mockery out of anything she says.
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