Newbie - Lonely Friday night Leopardog71: Hi all. First time poster here, but I've been lurking for some time. I was rather pleased to find this message board, it has definitely helped me through my struggles.....
I'd tell you a bit about myself, but whats the point really? I will just say that I have it all together - intelligent, successful, attractive, a huge heart, a passion for life, classy gentleman, etc..etc... I really am the real deal - any woman would discover a true gem if they were to give me a chance, really I mean it. Don't get me wrong though, I am by no means cocky, just that I know in my heart, mind and soul that I have it all together.
I have been with my STBX for 10 years now, but we have been emotionally separated for about 18 months now, and physically separated for the last 6 months. She was an alcoholic, drug addict (yes I did participate but gradually grew out of it), liar, cheater, abusive, just an all around horrible person. I basically "fell in love with and married my party buddy" -- well the party eventually ended for me.
But, I now find myself, as I would put it, emotionally unavailable. Does that make any sense? I want so badly to have someone there to spend time with, to demonstrate my worth to, and to just be with. But part of me sees this desire as a problem. I also am now VERY cautious with women due to the B.S. I had to go through for so long, and find myself with such high standards that I always find something wrong and psyche myself out I guess. I just don't know if and when I will be "ready"... Is "not knowing" enough reason to remain emotionally unavailable? I'm just very confused I guess.
I am by nature a very analytical person (don't get me wrong though, I can hang with the best of the bullshitters, I've done it for 10 years!). What I mean to say is that friends tell me not to think about stuff too much but just to live in the here and now and just go with it. ">
Thanks for listening to my rant. I honestly am the happiest I have ever been in my newly found freedom...But long so badly to discover someone worthwhile to share all the gifts that I have to offer with.
Can anyone relate?
Re: Newbie - Lonely Friday night dumpling: are you emotionally unavailable because you are trying to be cautious? i would think if you want so badly to find someone to get to know who will get to know you in return, that you would not isolate yourself emotionally. however, if you are not sure about moving on and you recognize that you have high standards, perhaps you are not ready, and, as a result, emotionally unavailable.
i would say that i am also pretty lonely but certainly not ready to move on into a dating situation. if you think your standards are high and no one appeals to you and the thought of moving on does not appeal to you, you must not be ready.
Re: Newbie - Lonely Friday night Leopardog71: Thanks for the reply! I just don't know where I am, but maybe that is reason enough to continue to work on myself and nothing else. But sometimes I just feel like the gift of me is wasted on just me. Does that sound crazy? Maybe it is.....
I've been really working at meeting all sorts of new people, and I have been. In fact, I am headed to a party tomorrow night with all sorts of new friends. It has been exciting, interesting and wonderful to make new friends outside of "our friends". I did go through a 6 month hermit stage, but have finally broken out of it.
I guess I will go back to playing my guitar and let time pass. Time heals all wounds, as they say...?
Re: Newbie - Lonely Friday night dumpling: no it doesn't sound crazy at all to want to share yourself and your gifts, and that sounds like you are emotionally available. you might not be ready at this moment to move on, but that doesn't mean you are emotionally unavailable. if you don't know where you are, then you are not ready. and you wouldn't want to do that to yourself or anyone else. the gift of you is not wasted on you, it is being developed for someone else to receive when you are ready.
at least the gift of you isn't being wasted on someone else.
Re: Newbie - Lonely Friday night Leopardog71: I hear what you are saying, and you are so right. I believe that no moment is ever wasted, and that is how I live my life. If I choose to be with just me and work on just me, so be it. But sometimes it just gets lonesly, I guess. That is where my post came from, loneliness.
I used to sink into online games and medicating and isolate myself from reality. The good news is that now I am confronting who I am and dealing with it. It's not always easy, but I have chosen to find things such as working out, playing guitar, and getting out to be social now instead of sinking deeper into depression and it really has made a huge difference.
Did I mention how incredible it is to find a place like ojar? The marvel of modern technology! Thanks to all you guys for a place to vent and find an understanding ear.
Jay
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