Can anyone lend a ear, and a hug maybe? jt5639: I just need to vent. I haven't posted much in months except for the last few days. A lot of you don't know me, but I'm having a really tough couple of weeks and feel right now like I have no one to talk to.
It's been a lonely couple of weeks, I am so so broke I've been out of grad school for almost 2 years now and still can not make this work. I'm in debt, working so hard for something I love, but make no money off of. I feel like I'm at a breaking point with everything.
I just want someone in my life who I can cry to, who will just hold me while I cry. It makes me feel so needy to say that. Both my parents are dead, my family (brothers) is supportive, but not like the mom I so miss. I miss my ex so much right now.
I feel like I've been playing what happened back and forth for so many months that I don't even know what was real anymore. I just feel like he threw me/us away and that I never possibly meant as much to him as he did to me. That makes me so awful to feel that way, but I do. I just really don't know what the hell was going on in his head. I don't understand his decision, I don't understand how he moved on so fast...it makes me feel crazy...I don't know what's real anymore. I know he loved me...but I'm questioning everything.
And my best girlfriend...I don't feel that I can lean on her in this way. I feel like I've asked her 5 or 6 times in the last two weeks to make time to talk with me. First she was sick (understandable), then she needed a date night with her b/f, (also understandable) but the last two times I've felt really blown off. And in an already really lonely time this hurts so much. Maybe I've worn the welcome on the "leaning on her" after my break-up. I know she's done so much for me and that it's imbalanced right now.
I feel so needy, and that's scary 'cause I worry that's partly what ruined my relationship - but what do I do when I need people? I need people right now and it just makes me feel...crazy almost. Is this normal to feel this way? I don't want to go talk to a therapist (I have in the past and think they are very valuable). But I want someone in my life to play this role, just to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. Oh - it feels so pathetic to feel this way.
I don't know what I'm looking for. To hear that other people feel this way? That this is normal. That I'm not hysterical or irrational for being so emotional. That my ex did love me and did love and cherish being with me (I know you all can't answer that...but it would be nice to know) I just feel like everything's falling apart at once, and I thought I was done with this.
jt
Re: Can anyone lend a ear, and a hug maybe? dumpling: jt, you are normal, you are not too emotional, nor are you irrational or hysterical. i am so sorry that your mom isn't there to hug you, because i know what that means. of course you want someone to talk to, to hold you. i feel all of the same feelings that you are feeling. and just like you, i just cannot believe that my ex never loved me and i cannot understand how he moved on so quickly, without missing me or feeling like he lost something.
your feelings are normal, and very much the same feelings that many of us feel. i have found that it is sometimes hard for friends who have never experienced this type of loss to support us in the ways we need to be supported. they just have no frame of reference. just as we never could have imagined the pain and loss we feel now.
you can PM me, if you want.
Re: Can anyone lend a ear, and a hug maybe? PiscesGoddess: Jt-
Im so sorry your're in such a rough spot right now.. I think we all can relate to being there.. there is nothing wrong at all with what you are feeling! First of all remember that. There are so many stages to this divorce game..thats why they call it a rollercoaster..up down up down up down. ::)
I understand missing your mom..I just lost mine in July and I miss her every day..want to call her up and get her support for what Im going through and I cant.. I truly can feel your pain there. :-\
The only advice I can give ..and its so hard to hear right now I know..and I am still learning..is that when you feel this "needy"..first person you rely on is you..you..you. No matter how worthless or down you feel..you start building yourself back up in any way you can. So that when the chips fall..you have you to fall back on..know what I mean? I know you want to be held..and have someone to tell you its okay..but what I have learned through 3 marriages is..the only person that is always there when the dust settles is me. So I better learn how to rely on her before I can rely on anyone else.
I know it probably sounds like cheap mumbo jumbo right now..but trust me..I speak from a spot where Im still learning. And remember.. you are ALWAYS ALWAYS welcome here..sometimes it just feels better to type it out.There are so many people here to help. Save this post you wrote..I guarantee (sp?) you that you will be shocked at how far you have come. Please feel free to contact me anytime to talk.
I wish you the best of luck-
Pisces
Re: Can anyone lend a ear, and a hug maybe? minneapolis: jt -
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It really is so difficult to understand what has happened in this situation, and it is so very normal to play everything back in your head on a continuous loop; it's just what we do. And I think that in doing it, we really do gain something. Never really full understanding, but eventually the re-run gets old and you will play it less and less.
And I'm sorry you feel like you don't have anyone to lean or cry to. It is a very lonely feeling. I think we've all been there - worried that the welcome mats that friends laid out for us at first are wearing thin, worried that needing someone makes us pathetic and weak. But needing people is also a wonderful thing. If you felt like you didn't need anyone and you could do this all alone, you would be a rare specimen indeed. It's a good thing to need people. (didn't someone sing a song about this??)
Could you talk to your friend? Tell her that you're feeling a little abandoned, that you understand she needs space to be sick and to be with her boyfriend and to lead her own life, but that right now you really need her. I type that knowing full well that is a difficult conversation to have, but you might be surprised.
I understand what you're going through all too well. And while I don't know the exact pain you feel, or exactly what you're dealing with, I can tell you that it will get better.
Hang in there sweetpea. This too shall pass.
Re: Can anyone lend a ear, and a hug maybe? jen: Jt~
First of all, big (((hugs))) to you...I am sorry that you are going through a rough time right now. I've been there and sometimes it seems like there would be nothing better than to feel the safety of someone we love telling us that it will all be okay.
But, at the end of the day, Pisces is right. We have to remember that we can't depend solely on someone else to do that for us. Post, share your troubles, cry on your best friend's shoulder and lean on others for support - but YOU are the one who has to believe that it will be all right. And, it IS okay to need right now and if things are a bit unbalanced for a while...that is what friends do for one another...it is never completely equal and I am sure that you have been on the giving end your fair share of the time as well...
And, as far as the questioning and wondering. It is inevitable. I drove myself crazy with it until I came to the point that I realized that the answers wouldn't change anything for me. I wasn't going to get an answer that made me feel better or would comfort me and I found a strange peace in accepting that.
Hang in there...it just takes time....
mtmo
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