Lost … the real Deal sarahbear: [color=purple"> I feel lost. Not the kind of lost where you simply feel out of place, but the kind of lost you might feel if you were stuck in the middle of a forest that you don’t know how to get out of. Every path I take leads me nowhere and I am trying to deal with it all.
About three years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 6.5 years. We had a decent relationship, but his short periods of anger worried me and his hesitance to marry me ate away at me. Finally, one day he said to me, “I guess it’s time to buy a ring.” And I broke up with him-because after 6 years, he had to guess? As if I wasn’t someone in his life so amazing he couldn’t live without me…
Meanwhile, I had found a friend to talk to. Someone who I had known for quite some time, but never really took the time to know. He was sweet and generous and caring and really listened to me. He was completely honest and open with me .. or so I thought. When things went south with my 6.5 year guy, he offered to let me stay with him for a while. As I was running out of options, I went to stay with him … and fell in love.
We started a kind of relationship that was singularly the best thing I had ever experienced. It was amazing. I thought I was in love with 6.5 year guy, but this guy (we’ll call him J) blew me away. He’d actually call me every day, took time out to ask me how I was feeling about things, and when he told me that he loved me, I believed him.
One day, it all came to a screeching halt when I discovered that he wasn’t being entirely truthful about his ex girlfriend. He had claimed he was no longer talking to her, but meanwhile was e-mailing / calling her as if I didn’t even exist! Then, when I confronted him about it, he denied it even when I proved it to him.
Long story short, even though I had just moved all my stuff from my old house into a spare bedroom I was staying in at his place, I had to pack up all that I could and move to an apartment. Problem was, I had to leave my stuff and my beloved dog behind with him.
Now, fast forward about a year later. We are still trying to be friends and I am feeling as though I’m dying inside and have no idea how to fix it. He has moved on, and is now seeing many other people. The friendship we once had, where we could tell each other anything, has withered away to this…. Gone are the times when he would call me every day; I call him once in a while. If we see each other, we might go to a movie, but otherwise, he claims he doesn’t “have time” for me. Yet, I see him going out with all these other people to concerts, and other activities that we used to do together… and even though I should be totally over this guy by now, I am finding myself JEALOUS!
He’ll tell me about the wonderful times he’s having with his latest and greatest “girl” and it just kills me inside. When he tells me he’s going to the movies or to some new concert, I wonder if it’s her that he’s with. He tells me that he isn’t interested in a relationship right now with “anyone” but yet continues to say he “likes” this girl.
If only it were so easy that I could just cut him out of my life. I love him. He was my best friend and companion and I feel I lost both when we broke up. Worse, he still has most of my stuff and my puppy dog because I am still living in an apartment and can’t afford my own place where dogs are allowed. Also, he works at my same place of employment (govt. job) and I have to continue to see him and hear from everyone else (all these women) how great he is …
When we hang out, he’ll invite me to his place to watch television or we’ll run errands together… but we’ll never do anything fun… but meanwhile, he’ll take these women that he’s interested in to all these cool places that I’ve always told him I want to go. For example, tonight he is with someone(?) at a concert he’s always known I’ve wanted to see.
So tonight, I am feeling lonely and sad because I have no idea what to do. I have never found it difficult to get over anyone like this. He is out tonight ... and I’m sitting at home hurting. I am not sure if I would ever want to be in a relationship with him again, but I am jealous of the activities he is doing with that someone else. If anyone has any advice for me, I would greatly appreciate it…
Why is it so easy to fall in love and so difficult to fall out?[/color">
Re: Lost … the real Deal PiscesGoddess: Wow Sarah..you pose an excellent question..and the only answer I can think of is..usually it is 2 people falling in love willingly and most of the time 1 person falling out of love forcefully.. does that make any sense?
I know this is not what you want to hear but you seriously need to cut off all contact with this man..I know you love him hon..but this is horribly toxic to your psyche or any chance you have to move on.
He is living his life..and you are trying to live THROUGH his life and what you had.. and he's just poison enough to let you keep taking the lethal doses he hands out until you wither away to nothing.
Sweetheart..the only one that can make a life for you is YOU..not anyone else and certainly not this guy. I am so very sorry this is happening..but staying stuck is just that stuck.. not moving forward..not living ..not giving yourself a chance at a future possibly with someone else.
Its time you started taking care of you..and showing him that you are able to do that. Living well is the best revenge.
Take care and keep me posted-
Pisces Goddess
Re: Lost … the real Deal SunnyFlower: Hey Sarah....
I had a situation like this once, many years ago, where I fell in love, we split but remained friends. He moved on to seeing others while I was still "stuck" on him as far as having feelings for him as more than a friend. It was hard listening to how great his life was, who he was seeing, etc. I was happy that HE was happy, but I was so jealous at the same time...
It eventually became too much. And, as hard as it was and as bad as it hurt, I had to let him go. It was killing me slowly not to.
As far as your puppy, is there any other options perhaps? Maybe a different friend or even a family member?
I hope you find peace, and at the very least, some good advice and support on this site.
Welcome.
~Sunny :)
Re: Lost … the real Deal sarahbear: Thank you everyone soo much for your replies. I just feel so lost sometimes, and I'm not sure which direction I should be going. There is no one else I can leave my wonderful dog with (he's a BIG dog!) and I am forced to consider giving him up so that I can move on from all of this.
Some of my friends tell me that J's doing anything he can to make himself happy, but it all doesn't mean much to me because my feelings of hurt are so overwhelming to me that I can't even begin to see what he's going through.
But I thank you for all of your advice, it really helps to talk to people that have been here before. I just wish it wasn't me that was going through it.
Re: Lost … the real Deal bigblue: also keep in mind.. whatever a man does to his ex, will do the same to you... so when he was with you, you were "the new girl"... I am sure he was doing the same thing he is doing to you right now to her...
Now you are the ex, and he has a new girl.. then another girl... most man think when they change the woman of their life, their life will change. they feed of that energy. however, they also want to have exclusive on all the past relationships...
However, he can change the woman in his life, but he is what he is. I know you don't want to her this, and you might think you love him. However he is a dissatisfied person, who doesn't know what the hell he wants from life...
I also hate to admit, but I knew the way my husband left his ex was very fishy. She left him although she loved him and I had to do the same thing after 6 years of marriage.
